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ToF: Rise of the Rats
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2004 7:28 pm    Post subject: ToF: Rise of the Rats Reply with quote Back to top

*The Forumian Rogues' Guilds. It looks remarkably deserted, especially given the recent activities the Terrible Trio were involved in. A Caravan pulls up to the front entrance.*
Caravan Driver #99: Roi't-'o, we're 'ere.
Eidola Flare: *poking her head out of the miscellaneous jumble in the Caravan* We are? It looks like a Rogues' Guild!
Embris Evershine: *pullin herself out of the heap* It is a Rogues' Guild, dimwit. I told you, we're here to commandeer their surveilance technology.
Eidola: Oh! *looks puzzled* I thought we were going to a Marketplace to buy gadgets.
*Embris whacks her over the head with her Enchanted Mace of Dark Fire.*
Embris: Just follow my lead, Eidola.
CD #99: Wot about me? Yoo promised me money, y'did.
Embris: Here, 200 gold. Don't spend it all in one place.
*Embris yanks Eidola out of the Caravan as the Driver whips up the donkey.*
Eidola: Aw, I was comfortable!
Embris: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. Speaking of breaking . . .
*She hefts her Enchanted Mace. she walks up to the door, and smashes it down with a single blow. She steps inside, and ducks as six crossbow bolts whiz over her head.*
Embris: what in the name of sunspots? Ahhhh, *covetously* chu ko nu! Automated!
Eidola: *coming up* Bless you.
Embris: Shut up! *Peers deeper into the entrance hall.* Strange . . . it looks like something is gleaming down there. *Holds up her mace, which glows.* By Helia! A titanium, pneumatically powered sliding door! We simply must have that for our base! But dismantling it and getting inside may prove to be a problem . . .
Eidola: Um, before we begin, I have a question: why didn't we take everything the last time we broke in?
Embris: Because the Rogues came back before we could snatch everything. Hmm, something written here. *Examines the titatium door.* "Notice: The Guild is closed while its operatives are on a vacational/business trip to Lost Veegas. Please check back later." ha! Excellent! They're not at home! *Catches sight of Eidola wandering out the outer door.* Where are you going?
Eidola: Well, it said to come back later. *Embris sighs.*
Embris: We're ignoring the sign. But stay there; you can stand watch. Make sure nobody comes in. *Turns her attention to finding a way past the immovable titanium door.*
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 6:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Loralty: *having returned to his Temple, he stares mournfully at the heap of dirty snow that was once a sculpture* Well, what do we do now?
Mew: Mew?
Loralty: There are no Ratmen about. I cannot destroy the Broken Sewer Mains since my programming does not incorporate "Raiding Lairs" ... well, it did, but I edited it out while I had the Holy Book. Now I am forced to wait for the Sovereign to take action.
Mew: *staring pointedly at a red-and-blue flag* Mew ...
Loralty: Say what? A Reward Flag?
LV#1: Well, of course, you -bleep-. Did you think I was going to wait for you -bleep-ing -bleep-s to -bleep- the -bleep-ing Mains by yourselves? I'm not stupid.
Loralty:
*quietly* Are you not? Ah well, it least it is a chance to get rid of that awful stench. Imagine a Broken Sewer Main right next to my Temple! *Strolls over to the BSM and begins whacking it. Mew looks on, head cocked.*
LV #1: Yeah, just imagine it ... now, what're my other -bleep-ing Heroes doing?
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Day 1

*The Insane family moves en masse towards an Inn. Concus is high-lighted by the Divine Gauntlet, and Sovereign Jay reads that he is "Plotting Revenge".
LV #1: What the -bleep-? That's not in the decision tree! What are you -bleep-s doing?!
Concus:
Plotting revenge.
LV #1: That's what your -bleep-ing -bleep- -bleep-in' well says! Do you think I'm -bleep-ing blind?
Concus:
Like I care. *goes into the Inn, followed by all his family (except Clarely).*
LV #1: -BLEEP-! WHADDAYA MEAN, YOU -BLEEP-IN' DON'T CARE? I'LL MAKE YOU CARE, YOU BACK-TALKING BITS OF -BLEEP-ING CODE! *Lightning Bolts the Inn. All four heroes pop out.* Now, go after those reward flags, or I'll -bleep- your -bleep-s right into the -bleep-ing ground!
Concus:
Stuff a rag into it, Jay. I'm not your hero, so you can't boss me around.
Veti: Not that he could anyway.
Galen: Where's mother?
Bob: *whacks him* Getting reinforcements, you nitwit.
Galen: *hefts his blade-stick menacingly* Want to feel a real whack, Monk?
Bob: I'm not a Monk. I'm an assassin working for the EDDNA.
Concus: Save the squabbling for after the Quest. We've got vengeance to take.
LV #1: Oh yeah? How're you going to do that when you won't go after the -bleep-ing Reward Flags?
Concus:
We're not going to destroy the Broken Sewer Mains, Jay, because we're going to use them to infiltrate Rhoden's lair.
LV #1: WHAT THE -BLEEP-? YOU CAN'T GO DOWN THE -BLEEP-ING SEWERS! JUST DESTROY THE -BLEEP-ING MAINS!
Veti:
Actually, I think there are precedents ... didn't the heroes go into a monster lair in one of the Freestyle Quests?
LV #1: -BLEEP-! -BLEEP- THE WHOLE -BLEEP-ING SYSTEM, WHO DON'T YOU? GO AHEAD! MAKE MY -BLEEP-ING DAY! ONCE THE -BLEEP-ING COMPUTER CRASHES, I WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU -BLEEP-S ANY MORE!
LV #2: Uh, Jay?
LV #1: YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, AREN'T YOU?! YOU AND YOUR -BLEEP-ING INNOVATIONS! COME HERE, YOU -BLEEP-![/b]
*Screams and pounding feet. The Insane family looks at each other.*
Galen: And they say I'm Insane.
Concus: We're all Insane. Now, what where we doing? *A brown and silver shape appears on the snowbank above them.*
Rattensford: Making your peace with the gods, I hope. *Holds up a device resembling a remote control.* Do you see this? This gadget will trigger all the Sewer Mains and Sewer Entrances to spawn hordes of Ratmen. And with your precious Sovereign currently ... absent ... *Cue maniacal laughter and choking sounds* you surfacist scum won't stand a chance.
VetiL Ah, shut up. *Throws a dagger at him. Rattensford smiles condescendingly as he loses two hitpoints.*
Rattensford Thank you for that little demonstration of your helplessness. Now then ... *Pushes the button.* Thank you for your cooperation. I'm sure Comrade Rhoden will simply love to hear how you spent all this time talking, instead of taking out Sewer Mains.
*Turns and leaves. Throughout the map, Ratmen appear next to BSMs and Sewer Entrances and begin converging on the Palace.*
Veti: Oh great. Here we go again.
Galen: Again?
Veti: Shut up.
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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Venstar Trailblazer



Joined: 27 Apr 2003
Posts: 600
Location: Harrisburg,PA

 PostPosted: Wed Oct 27, 2004 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Concus: I'm tired, I'm cranky, and very annoyed! I just want Rhoden dead!
Galen: Nothing comes easy in life... But there again, even death doesn't come easy either.
Loralty: I thought you were supposed to be an idiot?
Veti: Shhhh! These bursts of intellagence only come once every 20 years or something...
Galen: He's right... for once.
Veti: I know you are but what am I!? (Veti is about to go on, but stops and realizes that he and everyone else is surronded.)
Concus: Beautiful! Just -BLEEP-in beautiful! (Everyone draws their weapons.)
Loralty: I think we should all split up. Galen, Veti, and Bob, you take the left flank. Concus, Mew, and myself will take the right. (All of the sudden a light comes gleaming over the horizon.)
Clare: I have come atlast! (An extremely large army can be seen, it is so large, it actually looks like it has a chance against the Rat army.)
_________________
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
 
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Shifty Coindrop



Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(In the meantime, another Caravan rolls up down the "street" from the Rogues' Guild and three passengers disembark with suitcases. They are all obviously Rogues and two of them are tired. The third is weeping like a little girl. Shifty Coindrop and Ytfihs Pordnioc are the tired ones. Given that they were back from a Lost Veegas vacation, it is quite understandable that Cherik of Keldurn is the weeper.)

Ytfihs: Now remind me why ya decided to bring Cherik with us? Every time we passed by the old Rogues' Guild he bawled like a baby. (Sighs) And now he starts quieting down.
Shifty: Would you prefer to leave Cherik here alone with all our equipments, stashes and whatnot?
Ytfihs: Point taken.
Cherik: *sniff* Inheritance... *sniff* City Council... *sniff* Large, cushy executive chair... *sniff* Free Elven Dancing Girl Shows... (At this point he starts wailing)
Ytfihs: Oh fer the love of Fervus... (He reaches inside some pockets and takes out some cotton wads to stuff in his ears before heading towards the Guild.)

(Shifty walks over to Cherik and slaps him.)

Shifty: Snap out of it, vacation's over and we've got business to handle.
Cherik: Apologies about that Sir... It's just that it all used to be mine... (whimpers)
Shifty: That's how the business is Cherik, you win some and you lose the rest.

(At this point Ytfihs heads over to them and points towards the Guild.)

Ytfihs: Heads up fellas, we've got some problems.

(Camera pans to the Guild, and where Eidola Flare is standing out in front looking sunshiny- and clueless as usual. Just inside the open- make that smashed open wooden door there's a constant flash and crackling sound suggestive of a blowtorch or arc welder at work.)

Shifty: Just lovely. Solarii trying to get past the security door. Are they still miffed about "Blessings to the Phoenix"?
Ytfihs: Whadya say?

(Shifty sighs and pulls the cotton wads out of Ytfihs's ears.)

Shifty: I said, Just lovely. Solarii trying to get past the security door. Are they still miffed about "Blessings to the Phoenix"?
Cherik: (Having regained his senses now) It's much worse than that Sir. See that dazed and confused Solarus serving as lookout?
Ytfihs: I remember her! She was at-
Shifty: (Interrupts him with a hand over the mouth) Don't mention that place. We need Cherik with a clear head right now.
Cherik: Eidola Flare of the Sunfire Society. How she made it past the screening and trials I will never figure out.

(Scene wavers to a flashback. Eidola is at some sort of training grounds, surrounded by other Solarii who are in various states of smolder and char. Not only that, the Temple of Helia in the background as well as other buildings are ablaze, with Peasants either running and screaming immolated or running and screaming to form a bucket brigade as a fire bell constantly rings.)

Sunfire Solarus: Eidola... if we proclaim that you have passed the trials to become a Sister of the Society, will you leave this town and swear never to return?
Eidola: (A blank Ardal o' Hanlon/Bill Fagerbakke expression on her face) Uh... sure.
Sunfire Solarus: Very well. From this day forth, Eidola Flare is now a Sister of the Sunfire Society, and let Helia shine her blessings upon her devoted daughter! All right, you better get packing before the fire inspector and the insurance agent get over here.

(Scene switches back to Forumnia at present.)

Shifty: Oh lovely. The Sunfires. And the latest Ardanian Subterfuge International catalog is in there.
Ytfihs: They get that, not only they get access to all the high-tech [bleep!]s-
Cherik: We get our memberships revoked and blacklisted for letting it fall into the wrong hands.
Ytfihs: So how are we gonna get them away? We've got our crossbows still in the suitcases and the second they see us we're toast.
Cherik: Actually, the only problems will be the Solarii who are inside trying to get past the Security Door. Eidola Flare's lack of awareness rivals those of the Demon who actually believed Ytfihs on that game show.

(Ytfihs moves towards Cherik in the classic Homer Simpson Why You Little stranglehold stance.)

Shifty: (Puts Ytfihs into a Full Nelson until he calms down) Settle down, we're a team here. He's got a point. We send Miss Flare wandering off on her own and we can deal with the real threat inside.
Ytfihs: Okay, I'm calm I'm calm..

(Shifty is about to let him go when Ytfihs tries to rush Cherik again.)

Shifty: Don't make me use the Vulcan Nerve Pinch.
Ytfihs: All right man... Sheesh. So how are we gonna get Eidola out of the picture?
Cherik: I have a plan, Sirs.

(The scene changes back to Eidola serving as a not-quite-observant lookout. Soon the Majesty theme played on xylophones start wafting in on loudspeakers as a Caravan Wagon converted into an ice cream truck starts rolling by, driven by Cherik in disguise as a Peasant.)

Cherik: (In a crabby Peasant voice) Helia Sundae! Get Helia Sundaes all you can eat free if you're Solarii! Helia Sundae!
Eidola: (All ready she is entranced and looking over to the ice cream truck) Oooo.... Helia Sundae...

(Cherik drives the wagon down the street, Eidola lurching after it like a zombie until they both turn around a corner and vanish along with the xylophone Majesty theme.)

Shifty: Now! Go go go!

(He and Ytfihs take out their crossbows from their suitcases and start creeping towards the Guild like Rainbow Six.)
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2004 8:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Loralty: This does not look good ...
Galen: *a star pops up over his head as he takes out three Ratmen with one strike* Woo-hoo-hoo! What's that you said?
Mew: Mew! *A Shaman goes cross-eyed and starts flailing away at the other Ratmen.*
Galen: *nods sagely* Oh.
Concus: *engaged with two Champions* Stay focused!
Veti: He's never focused.
Clarely: *she cuts through the Ratmen and joins her children* Don't worry! Help is here!
Bob:/b] We kind of guessed.
*Shrieks and squeaks as the EDDNA army engages the Ratman horde. The Ratmen begin to fall as the assorted group of ex-Monks and Paladins begins an orgy of bloodshedding.*
[b]Concus:
That's it! Keep it up! Once we've taken them out, Rhoden will be defenseless down in the Sewers!
Ratman Shaman: *cackles as she levels her staff at him* that's what you think, human! Eat Plague! *A little green skull appears above Concus' head, and his stats drop.*
Concus: Urg! What's this?
*Another skull appears above Loralty.*
Loralty: *the speed of his blows drops considerably* What in Dauros' name - ?
Mew: Mew!
Loralty: Mew says that it is a new Expansion spell that the Ratmen have! It decreases Heroes' stats and spreads from unit to unit!
Concus: All that from one word?
Mew: Mew!
Loralty: Fortunately, Mews says that she is immune because she is not fully integrated into the Majesty file!
Concus: I'm so happy for her.
*The tide now turns as the Plague spreads throughout the Heroes' forces. Loralty and Concus are down to half health, and Clarely, Bob, Veti and Galen are now seperated from them by a mass of Ratmen ten deep.*
Loralty: I stand corrected. Now this does not look good.
Mew: Mew! *Her eyes glow. The screen blurs, and five Ratmen blur momentarily. Then they shake their heads, and attack Mew.*
Loralty: Confound it -- her attacks have no effect!
Concus: *kills a champion with a critical hit* While, at least if she's killed, she'll only return to her Pokeball.
Loralty: ... "Pokeball"? You mean, the Master Ball?
*Meanwhile, at the Temple to Dauros, a Ratman is seen sneaking out of the front door holding a red-and-white ball with the Silph Co. logo on it.*
Cucarouche: Heh heh heh. Dis must be where 'e keeps that bit a' foreign data. *Sets the master Ball on the ground and draws his swords.* Dis oughtta take care a' dat Pokefreak. *He destroys the Master ball just as Mew is reduced to zero hitpoints.*
Mew: Mew ... Disappears without a gravestone. A strange change comes over Loralty as he registers both occurences.*
Loralty: The Master Ball is gone! - and without it, Mew - ! *Now his eyes begin to glow.* Ahhh, you worthless scum! You will all perish! Not a hair of yours will be left in this world!
*A little flame symbol appears over his head, crowding out the skull and the icons for Stoneskin, Hands of Steel, and Iron Will. Ratmen begin to fall right and left as the berserk Monk begins flailing around like a demented windmill.*
Concus: O-kaaaay. *Stands clear and lets Loralty go to work.*
Rattensford: *back at the Temple to Dauros* Oh, capital, Comrade. You;ve transformed that mediocre Monk into a killing machine.
Cucarouche: Hey, how was I supposed ta know dat he'd react like dat?
Rattensford: *heaves a long-suffering sigh* I suppose it would be too much to expect ... now, I suggest we get out of here before that maniac single-handedly turns the tables again. *Exeunt the USSR agents down a Sewer Entrance. Meanwhile, at the Forumian Rogues Guild ...
Embris lowers her mace, the jeweled head of which has been acting as a laser torch to cut through the door. She takes off her welding mask and looks at her work in satisfaction.*
Embris: Excellent. Now, to raid the stash. *Steps through the blackened titanium door just as the Rogues walk in the front entrance.*
Shifty: Well?
Ytfihs: Well, it looks like somebody has finished with their exercise in metallurgy and entered the premises.
Shifty: Which, in Ardanian, means ... ?
Ytfihs: We've been compromised, sir.
b[]Shifty:[/b] Hm. Depending on how many SS agents are in there, this could mean real trouble.
Ytfihs: Well, we haven't much choice, do we? Either we stay here and wait for them to get ahold of the ASI catalog, or we go in and head them off.
Shifty: It's obvious what we do, then. When choosing between our lives and our livelihood, we choose the latter.
Ytfihs: *skeptically* We do?
Shifty: *smacks him* Yes, we do. Remember our motto: "You won't get my gold." Or, in this case, ASI catalog.
Ytfihs: *resigned sigh* All right ... *they too vanish through the hole.*
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Between Loralty and the EDDNA army, the second wave of Ratmen is defeated. Afterwards, all the heroes rush to various Inns, Lounges and Gazeboes in an attempt to recuperate from the Plague. Galen and the Insane family, along with Loralty, end up in the same building.*
Concus: Good. Now that that little problem is taken care of, we can invade the sewers.
Loralty: *sobbing* Who cares?
Galen: What's his problem?
Veti: Am I wrong, or does his status bar say he's 'sulking'?
Concus: Nonsense. You can only Sulk if your guild's been destroyed.
Loralty: *howls* Oh, add insult to injury, why don't you?
Galen: *aside to Veti* He's really worked up.
Veti Yeah, he just used a contraction.
Loralty: My Temple is destroyed almost every Quest, and I never Sulk. I'm -- I am -- getting used to it. After all, nobody cares about me -
Random Hero: Darn straight. *Galen whacks him with his blade-stick, and Loralty takes no notice.*
Loralty: - Nobody, until, that is, Mew came along. She cared -
Concus: *exasperated* Don't tell me you're in love with that -- that --
Galen *helpfully* Pokemon?
Veti: Thing?
Loralty: Mew was not a thing! she was a person, and a far more sympathetic and intelligent person than you insensitive -
Bob: Aw, shut up. *Punches Loralty out cold.* Can we go now?
Concus: Yes. Now, then: revenge! To the Sewers!

*Cut to the Rogues' Guild. Embris is using her mace as a flashlight inside the dark bowels of the Three Rogues' hideout.*
Embris: This must be their shop. *Reads a sign on the counter.* "Poisons, grappling hooks and burglar's kits, all for reasonable prices." Hm, I wonder. *Reaches up and tears down the sign, and is confronted with a locked panel. She smashes the lock and opens it to find a switchboard.* Hm ... *reads the labels* Secondary Control Panel: automated gatling guns, surveillance system, soda dispensers ... top secret stash." Aha. *Flips the switch. There is a click, and a full-length poster of Eleanor with darts in strategic places behind the counter slides away to reveal a huge, walk-in safe.* They really do have a tight security system. Whatever is behind that door has got to be the motherlode of all espionage equipment.
*Readies her mace's laser crystals and beins cutting through the safe door. Behind her, three shadows slip into the circle of light created by her metal-cutting mace.*
Ytfihs: *whispering* Looks like we're in time. *Points at the copy of the ASI catalog on the counter.* She hasn't picked it up yet.
Shifty: *also whispering* Yeah, but look what she has got. You do realize what's in that safe?
Ytfihs: Fervus Ale, Elfweed ... *his eyes widen* Ye gods and Cyberloreans! No!
Shifty:Exactly. If she doesn't remember Blessings to the Phoenix now, she will in a second. Not to mention the plans we "acquired" for the Temple to Krypta.
Ytfihs: *groans softly* Are You Willing to Flirt With Death was going to be our next hit.
Shifty: If we don't do something, there won't be a next hit.
*Embris finishes cutting through the door and goes in. There is a moment of profound silence. Then:*
Embris: Ah, videotapes. These must contain all the specs. for the Rogues' gear, as well as -
Shifty: *mimicking Cooker's voice* Range calibrated, target acquired.
Ytfihs: *mimicking Nobody's voice* All systems go, sir.
Shifty: Commence the intitation sequence!
*Embris jumps out of the safe to find what appear to be two Dwarves, one in a Wizard's paraphernalia and the other in traditional James Bond gentleman spy outfit.*
Embris: What in Helia's name - ? Cooker?
Shifty: *turns around* Ah, a Solarus. Just what we need to act as a catalyst. I'll just cast a paralyzing spell -- don't worry, it won't hurt a bit -
*But Embris, wild-eyed, has already dashed past. Smashing her way through the walls, she lets nothing hinder her as she flees the Guild.*
Embris: *outside, panting* Eidola? Eidola!
*Eidola comes up, pouting.*
Eidola: It was a lie! That evil man didn't have any Helia Sundaes at all! In fact -
Embris: Who cares! Cooker is here, and he's looking for solarii! Let's go!
Eidola: But if he's looking for us, shouldn't we -
Embris: No! *Pushes Eidola and the two run off. Eventually they stop near a Broken Sewer main.*
Embris: Quickly, get down!
Eidola: *wrinkles her nose* But it stinks!
Embris: When Cooker is on the warpath, a little stench is a small price to pay in order to escape one of his Weapons of Mass Destruction. Especially *shudders* becoming part of one. *Thrusts Eidola down the Main and follows her.* Fortunately, I managed to grab this video before he found me. Now, let's see what it is.
*She shines her mace on the cover, which shows the underground sauna of the Temple to Helia, with black bars covering the more racy parts of the scene.*
Embris: What the - ? This isn't a training manual or a gadget guide! It's -- it's -- BLASPHEMY!!
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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Shifty Coindrop



Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Quote:
Embris: What the - ? This isn't a training manual or a gadget guide! It's -- it's -- BLASPHEMY!!


(That single word of outrage echoes from out the Broken Sewer Main and throughout Forumia as a whole.. until it eventually reaches the Rogues' Guild with full force while Shifty and Ytfihs are inspecting the walk-in safe for damaged and stolen items.)

Shifty: Don't forget to take pictures of the Security Door and the Safe when this is all done. ASI is going to owe us a lot of gold. Impenetrable? Ha!
Ytfihs: Hmmm, none of the training manuals or technical schematics're missin'.
Shifty: What about the stash?
Ytfihs: Still here. The casks of Crazy Beer haven't been opened, neither have the crates of Elfweed.
Shifty: Then what did she take?
Embris's Echo: BLASPHEMY!! Blasphemy! blasphemy...
Shifty and Ytfihs: (They look at each other) Oh crap.

(Cherik comes back inside)

Cherik: Sirs! Is the ASI catalog safe?
Ytfihs: That crazy Solarus didn't touch it at all.
Cherik: What a relief.
Shifty: She got a free copy of Blessings to the Phoenix instead.
Cherik: Oh dear. I suppose that would explain that roar that ripped through the whole of Forumia not too long ago. And the damage to our structure.

(All three turn towards the Embris-shaped outline in the wall.)

Ytfihs: No, that was us pretendin' to be Cooker and Nobody.
Cherik: Diabolical and brilliant. Judging by the smooth cuts in the stone I would say you had her absolutely convinced. But the reason I came back. Whilst I was busy preoccupying Eidola Flare with false hopes of Helia Sundae I had noticed that a bumper crop of Broken Sewer Mains had sprung up all over Forumia.
Ytfihs: So that's what the smell was... (Waving the air in front of him while frowning)
Shifty: Great. Just when we've had enough trouble with odor and vermin to begin.
Cherik: Indeed Sir. In fact I had been witness to a large slugfest involving Ratmen near the Palace.
Shifty: Oh?
Cherik: The swarm is certain to have been defeated by now, but with those open Sewer Mains it will not be long before more emerge.
Ytfihs: What a post-vacation welcome.
Shifty: And you know they'll try to loot this place for the Crazy Beer and Elfweed. They always do. Time to get into the ratcatching business, lads.

(The next scene has the Rogues wearing gas masks and backpacks loaded with assorted items)

Shifty: Sentry guns in order Cherik?
Cherik: Affirmative Sir. No rodent life within 50 feet of the Guild is safe. (A burst of rapid fire erupts followed by several squeaks.)
Shifty: Baits?
Ytfihs: Three casks worth of Crazy Beer in shatterproof bottles. Check. 10 cartons of pre-rolled Elfweed. Check.
Shifty: All right then. Gentlemen, let the hunt begin.
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:55 pm    Post subject: hehe Reply with quote Back to top

Ten minutes ago, when battle raged outside the palace.

Jay clicked on the lighting bolt spell on the spell bar. The mouse turned into a “cast spell” icon.
Wizard guild: “You have reached The Forumnia Wizard guild. Our office hours are Monday to Friday, from seven AM to five PM. If you would like to leave a message, please right click. If you would like to cast a spell, please say “spells”, if you would like to order a magic item …”
Jay: “Spells”
Wizard guild: “Please speak the name of the spell you would like to cast.”
Jay: “Lighting storm”
Wizard guild: “Please speak the name of the target.”
Jay: “Palace damns it!”
Wizard guild: “Your target is “Palace damn it”, please confirm your order.”
Jay: “Damn it, cast it already”
Wizard guild: “Damn it is not expected, please say yes or no to confirm the spell.”
Jay: “Yes”
Wizard guild: “Thank you, the spell has being ordered, it will be cast when our staff return to work. Thank you again for casting with Forumnia wizard services.”
Jay: “@#$@#!$#@%%^$^&^%$&^#”

Then the mouse returned to the normal hand shape.
The battle outside the palace ended minutes ago.

Two hours later, Cooker woke up, picks up his crystal ball and checked his messages. It wasn’t pretty.
A while later Cooker started his usual day by powering up wizard guild. A holographic map of Forumnia lay out before him.

Wizard guild: “Sorcerer’s adobe upgrade completed, new spell available.”
Cooker: “Let’s see … earth quake, frost field, change of heart, ha, change of heart looks fun, ok. Change of heart
“Select target.”
Cooker noticed Loralty sulking somewhere.
Click.
Maniacal laughter
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Concus & Co. decide to give up on Loralty and depart the Inn. Just as they do so, a roar blasts them to the ground.
Embris' Echo: BLASPHEMY!
Bob: What was that?
Galen: It sounded sort of like Eleanor, only different.
Concus: It came from that Broken Sewer Main. Come on! We'll investigate it along with infiltrating the Sewers.
*They set off. From behind the ruined snow sculpture of the Temple to Dauros, Rattensford observes them through his opera glasses.*
Rattensford: It looks like the Insane family has finally begun to make their move, Comrade Cucarouche. They are heading for that sewer main where those two Solarii disappeared ... Comrade? *Notices that Cucarouche is missing.* Comrade? Comrade! *irritably scans the area with his opera glasses. He sees the brown shape of Cucarouche as it sneaks up on what appear to be three Rogues, although the backpacks and the gas masks make them appear more like trench soldiers.* In the name of Moux! What is that imbecile doing?
*Down by the Rogues, Cucarouche is creeping belly down on the snow towards the backpacks.*
Cucarouche: *sniffing the air* Oh yeah mon, dat's de stuff! Top quality Elfweed! Jes' a little closah ...
Cherik: We've got company, sirs. *The three spin around and fire their crossbows into Cucarouche.*
Cucarouche: Ouch! Ow! Ah! Wha'sa - ? You're not supposed'ta notice me!
Shifty: Oh, please. Since when could a Ratman sneak up on a Rogue?
Cucarouche: *grins and draws his sabers* Fine den. I's jes' do dis da hard way.
Shifty: Fat chance. Gentlemen, fire! *Three more bolts hit the Ratman. Cucarouche is down to half-health.*
Cucarouche: *crazed gleam in his eyes as he tackles Ytfihs* Jes' give me the 'weed, mon, and I promise ta make dis quick!
*They roll around in the snow, wrestling over the backpack, and Ytfihs' mask is torn off.*
Ytfihs: *gasps* Get this thing off me! I can't stand the stench! *Cucarouche bites him on the shoulder*. Yowch!
Cherik: Better get that thing off him before he's eaten alive.
Shifty: Or gangrene sets in. *They tackle the wrestling pair. They are soon engulfed in a whirling mass of hair, arms, legs, and snow. Rattensford observes all this through his opera glasses.*
Rattensford: A brawl? Not my style -- but I suppose I must aid my comrade.
*Meanwhile, the EDDNA army is congregated inside the Open Door, Closed Curtain Lounge, congratulating themselves on a job well done.
EDDNA Monk #1: And then I took down a Shaman in one blow.
EDDNA Monk #2: Yeah, this was too easy.
EDDNA Paladin: Look on the bright side. At least we gots lots of experience. We should be more than match for the DDN.
*The door suddenly crashes down, spraying the assemblage with blue splinters. Standing revealed are Eleanor, Kayt, and Clarina, all level thirty compared to the fifth-level and below EDDNA Heroes. Behind them, more Paladins could be seen.*
Eleanor:[b/] *holding her Jeweled Longsword of Annihilation in one hand.* You were saying?
[b]EDDNA Monk #1:
*gulp*
EDDNA Monk #2: Everybody run for your lives!
EDDNA Paladin: quick! Out the back!
Clarina: *Scribbling in her notebook as Eleanor, Kayt and the rest of the DDN charge into the Lounge* "Mass stampede as DDN apprehends heretics in Lounge."
EDDNA Paladin: *jumping out a stained-glass picture window in the back* Yaaaaah!- Huh? *She is confronted by a squadron of Monks wearing black insignia and headed by Saturninus.*
Saturninus: Going somewhere, Heretic?
EDDNA Paladin: Th-the Inquisition? Nooooo! Turns around to be confronted by Eleanor.*
Eleanor: DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE, HERETIC!
EDDNA Members: Nooo! Nooo! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Loud Voice #1: *still thinking dreamily about the strangling he gave Seth* Ah, screams. How lovely.
8Then a new voice is added to the cacophony that is engulfing Ardania.*
Loralty: ARRRRRRRRRGH! I shall have my VENGEANCE! *The Inn where he was Sulking explodes as Loralty bursts out, his robe in tatters and missing his hat. His eyes are wild and glowing as he looks around. He spots Rattensford.* Ah, a Ratman! Time for my vengeance to begin!
rattensford: *takes one look at the psychotic Monk and runs off, howling* AAAAAAAAAAH!! COMRADES! COMRADES! Hurryup, hurryuphurryup! *frantically pushes the button on his device to trigger another Ratman wave* Finish cooling down already! *Looks behind him to see that Loralty has cast Vigilance on himself* Gack!
*The chase continues until Rattensford crashes headlong into the Rogues/Cucarouche brawl. Loralty, just behind him, stumbles in too. The brawl begins moving, and as it picks up momentum, becomes a giant snowball headed for the Broken Sewer Main. Concus & Co. have just arrived there when they hear the shouts and screams from the Lounge and the snowball.*
Concus: What in Fervus' name?
Galen: *staring at the snowball* Incoming!
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(in a nearby Adept Coffee Shop, a dwarf speaks to the shop owner, a nervous-looking peasant#4152. The dwarf is wearing a plumber's outfit and wields a large plunger insteads of a hammer)

Dwarf Plumber: (waves plunger at a nearby Broken Sewer and speaks in a I-know-more-than-you tone) You see, here's the problem. That Broken Sewers main has clogged up yer pipes. That's why yer toilets aren't flushing. However, I'd recommend you to stop using them until we get this sorted out. It's a wonder that the whole pipeworks haven't blown up under the pressure yet.
Peasant#4152: (hand over his eyes) I knew taking up this Adept Coffee franchise would prove disasterous! "Rolling in cash in a few ToF episodes," that Adept said. Hah!
Dwarf Plumber: (continuing) And we'll make out the bill after we've finished. (eyes the peasant critically) You are covered by insurance, aren't you?
Peasant#4152: (glazes over) Oh dear gawd.
Dwarf Plumber: (ignores him) Anyway, the main thing now is to stop using the toilets. (looks at the shop's toilet door which is closed) Is someone in there? If so, we'd better pass him a note.

(Inside the shop toilet, TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane groans on the seat)

TaleSpinner: (miserably) Never mix Adept Coffee and Cultist Curry again. Never!

(The WoD looks around for toilet paper and is dismayed to find none.)

TaleSpinner: Jeepers! It's the dwarven-settlement-diguised-as-elven-bungalow incident all over again!

(Suddenly notices a piece of paper being passed under the toilet door)

TaleSpinner: Cor! That's service for you! (takes the paper and uses it without reading it) Ahh.. that's much better.. (hooks the toilet flush handle with his scythe and flushes)

KABLOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!!!!

(Peasant#4152 clambers out from under part of the wreckage that was once his Deluxe Adept Coffee Machine(tm))

Peasant#4152: Holy -bleep-!! (stares at where his shop once stood. In its place is a large hole in the ground.)
 
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Venstar Trailblazer



Joined: 27 Apr 2003
Posts: 600
Location: Harrisburg,PA

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(Galen ducks out of the way of the snowball)
Galen: SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!!!!!! (He picks up a snowball and throws it in the face of Concus, who is standing directly next to him. Galen starts to chuckle, thinking he is so clever, while Concus turns even more red by the second)
Concus: You IDIOT! I am embarresed to say I am related to you. (As he finishes his sentence, he slaps Galen across the face. Galen falls over, face first into the snow, unconcious.)
Veti:Finally!!!!!! I have been wanting to do that since the day I met that idiot.
Bob: I'm starting to get why they call us insane.... (Everyone gets a blank look across their faces, staring at her.)
Cherik: A little help here?
Concus: Oh yea, you guys. (The group walks over and seperates all the fighters.)
Galen: (Picking his head up off the ground.) I smell weed!
Veti: Remember what your instructor said, "Fight the urges to go back to the drugs."
Galen: But the TV says peer preasure always wins...
Veti: First, there is no peer preasure involved here. Second, when have you had time to watch TV?
Galen: Ummmmm.... I have been skiping rehab lately....
Concus: Can we get back to the matter at hand?
Shifty: Seriously...
_________________
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(Rattensford takes advantage of the confusion with the snowball "fight" and escapes down the nearby Broken Sewer Main. He runs down several pipe tunnels until he hears no sound of pursuit.)

Rattensford: (gloating) Ahah! No capitalistic heroes can match the cunning maneuvers of the ratmen while in the People's Sewers!

(Suddenly, Embris comes around the corner with Eidola in tow.)

Embris: (fuming with a rage that can only be described as infernal) Once we find our way out of these sewers, I'll personally fry those rogues from inside out!
Eidola: (stumbling along) Wait! Is this the way out? (spots Rattensford) Oh, look! A Ratman! Maybe he can tell us the way out!
Embris: A what!? (stares at Rattensford with psychotic eyes) Ah, a Ratman! Time for my vengeance to begin!

Rattensford: (starts to run) What's with these heroes!? All wanting to extract some sort of vengeance on me!

(The ratman runs down a tunnel, chased by the Solarii. He comes to a cross-section where a murky stream is flowing from the left tunnel to the right. The ratman easily crosses the flowing muck and emerges from the other side just as Embris and Eidola arrive at the edge of the mucky stream.)

Embris: (shouts across the mucky stream) Come back here, you oversized scum-bag!
Rattensford: (glares defiantly at the Solarii) If you want me, come get me! (suddenly topples backwards as a rock hits him on the head.)
Embris: (approvingly at Eidola) Good throw, Eidola - come on, let's get him while he's dazed.

(The Solarii begin to cross the mucky stream. Just as they near the middle of the stream, the sewer tunnel walls tremble.)

Embris: What in Helia's name is-? (eyes widen when she spots something churning down the stream)

(A huge wave of muck surges down the stream, and in the front of it is a screaming TaleSpinner who is using a toilet seat as a body board.)

TaleSpinner, Eidola and Embris: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!

(In true LotR style, the wave of muck crashes into the two Solarii and carries them downstream.)


Last edited by TaleSpinner on Tue Nov 09, 2004 10:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Loralty emerges from the mound of slush that was once a snowball.With his robes in tatters, his eyes blazing, and dirty snow smeared all over him, he looks like something from a thir-drate horror film.*
Loralty: *hoarse, crazed voice* Where is he?
Veti: Where's who?
*Loralty grabs him by his neck and hoists him a foot above the ground.*
Loralty: The Ratman, you dim-witted dunderpate!
Clarely: Put my baby down!
*Loralty glares in her direction.*
Clarely: *gulps* Please?
Cherik: *gingerly rubbing his shoulder* Owwww ...
Shifty: Looks wicked.
Ytfihs: Rollin' around in the snow isn't going to help his chances of avoidin' an infection.
Loralty: *still holding Veti, who is beginning to choke* Stop gawking and help me find that Ratman!
Concus: "Help" you? You're not doing anything, besides strangling my grandson.
Loralty: Really? well, watch this! *Starts digging into the slush, using Veti as a shovel.
Veti: *in between mouthfuls of muddy snow* Um - help - I mean - stop - gack! - I mean -
[b]Cucarouche:
Yowch! *Emerges from the slush with one of Veti's daggers just above his tail* Watch where you're shovin' dose stickers, ya -bleep-in son of a - *Notices Loralty, who has just casually tossed away veti.* Eh, heh-heh, hiya?
Loralty: *his eyes glowing more and more brightly as he slowly approaches the quivering Ratman* What did you just say, vermin?
Cucarouche: *backing slowly towards the Sewer main* Ah, nothin'?
Loralty: Oh, you shall certainly wish you had said nothing in a few minutes. Then, you shall not be able to say anything ... ever again.
Cucarouche: Bloody - ! 'E's insane! *Dives for the Sewer Main just as Loralty charges. Both disappear into the pipe.*
Galen: *groggily* No ... I'm Insane.
Veti: Shut up.

*Meanwhile, the EDDNA army is being carted off in converted Caravans fitted with steel cages with electricity humming through the bars. Sister Gloom and her skeleton crew is seen interviewing the two leaders of the operation, Eleanor and Saturninus.*
Sister Gloom: This is Sister Gloom of CNN Ardania, reporting live at the former site of the Open Door, Closed Curtain Lounge. With me are Saturninus, Grand Inquisitor of the Daurosian Inquisition and Dar-Eleanor the Vigilant, Head of the local Dauros Divine Network chapter. Would either of you like to comment.
Eleanor: I'm afraid Saturninus cannot talk before an unbeliever. Unlike some Monks, he is bound by his oath of silence.
Sister Gloom: I see. And you?
Eleanor: I am perfectly willing to comment on our little operation. One of my associates, Clarina the Holy reporter, was tipped off by her husband that the Ex-Dauros Divine Network Agency was going to send a large number of operatives to this area. Upon receiving this information, I sent for reinforcements to DDN headquarters, as well as the Inquisition. Kayt and Saturninus were happy to oblige, and so we were able to "apprehend" *predatory grin* all of the heretics.
Sister Gloom: I see. However, I do not see *camera pans to the Caravan-cages then back to the three* any members of the Insane family, who are rumoured to be running this Agency.
Eleanor: *another feral grin* I assure you, they will be hunted down.
*Kayt the Vindicator comes running up.*
Kayt: Eleanor! We've located the Insane family! As well as the Rogues!
Eleanor: Shifty, Ytfihs and Cherik? *Eyes begin to gleam. Psychotically.* Finally, those *edited clip* will get what's coming to them! *Maniacal laughter as the camera turns to Sister Gloom's somber face.*
Sister Gloom: This has been Sister Gloom, CNN Ardania.
_________________
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:57 pm    Post subject: blah. Reply with quote Back to top

As the heroes made themselves at home down in the sewers, the rats redoubled their attack on the town above the ground, talking about rat cunning. The guards soon suffer various degrees of rigor mortis and the loud swearing could be heard from above.

As the rat army advance upon the town square (the third time that day), they found it defended by a single wizard.

Cooker: “You should not pass.”
Random Rat champion: “Who are you to say we should not pass.”
Cooker: “I am the one, the mighty, the greatest wizard in all of the realms. You puny mind could not begin to comprehend the power that is to be unleashed upon thee. I am a keeper of a thousand secretes and each will drive mad. I am a knower of lore and a keeper of truth. I am blah, blah blah blah … blah blah blah… blah, and blah blah…”
Random rat champion: “ZZZ”

Cooker: “That took care of them” *walks away.*


Last edited by Cooker on Tue Nov 09, 2004 10:09 pm; edited 3 times in total
 
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