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Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 2:52 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

Tales of Forumia: The Expansion Quests

Fortress of I.X.M.I.L.

Cast List: (in order of appearance)
Sister Gloom (Priestess CNNa Reporter)
Kurt Consumer (Burger Sovereign CEO)
TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane (Warrior of Discord)
Cooker (Megalomaniac wizard)
Nobody Bond (Dwarven Agent for the C.S.A.)
Galen the Insane II (Warrior of Discord)
Loralty the Talkative One (Monk)
Clarina, Holy Reporter (Paladin/Reporter for the Trumpet of Dauros)
Raistlin the Not-So-Powerful (Schizophrenic Wizard)
Neddy the Shaft (Rogue)
Shifty Coindrop (Rogue/Head of the Forumnia Rogue's Guild)
Ytfihs Pordnoic (Rogue)
Cherik of Keldurn (Rogue)
Alfryd, Disciple of Krolm (Barbarian)
Eidola Flare (Solarus)
Veti Insane (Cultist/Brother of Galen)
Sister Encrypt (Priestess Technician)
DragonWizard (Ranger/Warrior, Hubby to Clarina)

Special Guest Star:
IXMIL (CFC outlet on-board A.I.)

ToF would like to thank our sponsors and the following societies which have made this story possible:

Cyberlore Discussion Forums (long live Cyberlore!)
CNN Ardania (News coverage at its best)
Burger Sovereign (Where Whoppers really whop a**)
Caboom Fried Chicken (Just a hint of napalm after-taste..)
Cooker's Semi-Intelligence Agency (C.S.A.) (out for world domination once again)
Dauros Divine Network (DDN) (The side of justice you'll NEVER want to see..)
Sunfire Society (S.S.) (Sun tan lotion, anyone?)
Special Wing Auditing Tax-Collectors (S.W.A.T.) (The type of tax-collectors that should have been put in)
Ardania Institute of Necromancy (Second only to Hogswart)
United Chickens (Neural-Hacker Chicken Extremists intent on liberating captive chickens from the Machicks. You heard me)

[ 20. July 2003, 04:12 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
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Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 2:54 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

("CNN Ardania News Flash" appears on screen)

Sister Gloom: This is Sister Gloom reporting from Forumnia. Much speculation in the corporate sector today as 'Burger Sovereign', a long-standing fast food provider in Forumnia, is rumoured to be losing out to the newly formed fast-food chain called 'Caboom Fried Chicken', created by the dwarves and headed the infamous megalomaniac wizard Cooker. I have with me Kurt Consumer, CEO of Burger Sovereign Corp. to tell us more about their company's dire position.

(camera turns to Kurt)

Kurt Consumer: (grins nervously) Actually, I have no idea what you're talking about. Burger Sovereign has been the market leader since we started catering to the goblins back six years ago. CFC is an immature startup that cannot be seriously considered a competitive threat.
Sister Gloom: We have reports that over ten percent of your executives have jumped off the top of the Burger Sovereign Corp HQ over the past week.
Kurt Consumer: (starts to sweat) Oh - that's our Corporate Exercise Program! We encourage our employees to be healthy and jumping off the building is a great way to break a sweat.
Sister Gloom: Among other things.
Kurt Consumer: (nervously) Uh, right. And besides, our headquarters is only two storeys high.
Sister Gloom: And surrounded by a moat of Rust Spitter acid. We haven't yet managed to interview any survivors. Or find their remains.
Kurt Consumer: Ah.. well - the Corporate Exercise Program was discontinued just recently, actually..
Sister Gloom: And what about the desperate attempts to introduce new items into your menus?
Kurt Consumer: Well, again, that's nothing to do with competing with CFC. We're merely trying out newer foods to cater for our ever-increasing customer base.
Sister Gloom: Such as the disasterous StrangleWeed Salad Bar which was briefly introduced last week? We have reports that several lawsuits are on the way.
Kurt Consumer: (raises hands defensively) Hey, you try to please everyone, but..
Sister Gloom: (presses with another question) What about the recent mass job openings within CFC just announced yesterday? Would you consider that an indication that CFC is planning to expand?
Kurt Consumer: No, no - we're not worried about that at all. And I can't think of anyone stupid enough to work for a bunch of tight-fisted dwarves. It's just a matter of time before the whole operation collapses.
Sister Gloom: (solemn stare) Indeed. And last comments before we finish?
Kurt Consumer: Why yes, (turns to camera with a desperate gleam in eyes) Burger Sovereign is offering double of what CFC's hiring offer is, so if you're looking for a real job, join Burger Sovereign now! Yup, that's all I wanted to say - hey, don't you people dare put one of those CFC commercials on right after this inter-

(The program is cut-off and is replaced with a tranquil scene of chickens industriously pecking on the ground.)

Voiceover: Do you crave for spicy, hot chicken with an unforgettable taste? Caboom Fried Chicken makes their chickens even more spicy by feeding them special secret ingredients.

(one of the chickens explodes with a terrific BANG! that leaves a trail of feathers shooting into the sky. Frantic squawking sounds from the remaining chickens.)

Voiceover: Try Caboom Fried Chicken today, before they all take off.

(tiny white words appear at the bottom of the screen, "CFC is not responsible for any first, second or third-degree burn injuries that result from the consumption of CFC products.")

[ 14. July 2003, 04:27 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
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 PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 2:56 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(CFC headquarters, a renovated Dwarven Settlement with the letters 'C' 'F' and 'C' plastered on the wind mills)

Dwarf Recruiter: (bored tone while writing on a clip board) Name?
TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane: (nervously) Yes sir, TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane, sir.
Dwarf Recruiter: Uh huh. Gender?
TaleSpinner: (frowns) Is that not obvious?
Dwarf Recruiter: (peers up) You don't hang around dwarves much, do you?
TaleSpinner: Oh. Um.. male.
Dwarf Recruiter: Applying for which position?
TaleSpinner: (blinks) Dunno.
Dwarf Recruiter: (eyes the WoD) Well, what past experience do you have?
TaleSpinner: (scratched side of helmet with blade-stick) Umm.. I hit people. With this stick.
Dwarf Recruiter: Uh huh. (scribbles on clipboard) I'll put down Counter Attendant.
TaleSpinner: (excitedly) Do I get to hit people with my stick?
Dwarf Recruiter: No. But you'll want to. (he finishes writing) Okay, Mr TaleSpinner. If you can go straight in, we'll get you attired with our CFC uniform.
TaleSpinner: (happily) Oh boy! Oh boy! I love CFC!
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Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 3:52 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

In a classified location (just like all other super villain meeting in all other movies)

Cooker yarned and turned off the TV.

Nobody: “It may not look like it. But we know from reliable source that burger Sovereign is doing everything they can to topple us. They are gaining support from the sovereign at this very moment …”
Nobody did not notice cooker falling asleep on his armchair. Obviously, his speech was literally Nobody’s business.

Nobody removed the massive wizard hat from cooker’s head, the hat was so large that it’s almost as tall as cooker himself.
“NOT THE HAT” Cooker suddenly bolted up and begin to cast every spell he learnt. Nobody was quick enough to hand back the hat to avoid instant vaporization.

“No need to get angry,” Said nobody, who knows Cooker, who can rival Eleanor in danger level when enraged. “We have to counter the next move of the Burger Sovereign before it’s too late.”

“You mean by market expansion to OTHER races?” I have already taken care of that. We are planning to expand into goblin territory on schedule next week.

“But you have not ordered a single building to be constructed yet” said nobody, doubtfully “And it takes more then a few weeks to put up any building in the remote regions of the north.”

“I have that planned out already.” Cooker pulls out massive roll schematics from his hat, and laid it onto the table. (Typical villain style)

(James Bond Music on background)

The Schematic shows a immerse building on a 1:50 scale, marking of “Ardania Institute of Necromancy” was Cleary visible in red across the boarder of the picture. If the rotting smell was not obvious at first place. “Hardware system, IXMIL” is painted in huge, red letters across the title area (how else could movie goers figure out?)

“You call this what?” Nobody said in disbelieve (like any assistant villain in any other movies)

“IXMIL, Integrated expansion and Maximization of Intelligent library, or in simple word, a very beefed up version of a library. We are just in time to witness its completion.” Cooker replied, promptly teleporting him and his aid to the basement. (Where else can you construct diabolic inventions in secret?)

A circle of priestess (can you think of another reason secret is not being covered by CNNa ) surrounds the Massive fortress, all of them chanting unintelligible spells.

“Bring it unalive” Said Cooker

The circle started to chant louder and louder, at same time, the on walls of te fotress started to glow, and with a booming voice, the fortress announced its existence.

“This is CFC-FT-IXMIL-0001, current date is 45, Month of the Dragon, 375AD, and the time is 26:71:31 Northern standard times, all systems are online and reporting nominal and functional status.”

Nobody “The madman really has it built”
Cooker, laughing diabolically “This is our state of art, teleporting, tax, paladin and barbarian evading, self conscious, self defending, self sustaining restaurant”

Nobody Almost fainted on the spot “We can terrorize a big part of Ardania with this thing, why use it as a restaurant”

Cooker answered with his casual calmness (which is, not very calm, or not calm at all) “With this, we can defeat Burger sovereign, and when they are gone, what will stand between us and our ambition?”

[ 14. July 2003, 05:16 AM: Message edited by: Merlin the Black ]
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Venstar Trailblazer

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Location: Harrisburg,PA

 PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 9:48 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(Galen the InsaneII is still trying to find his way to Krom's Anvil.)
Galen the InsaneII: Now where the (bleep!) is this place.
(Galen turns around in to see he is still at the front gates of Lost Veegas, where he had been in his last adventure.)
Galen: Why, Fervrus, Why?!(Galen is looking at the sky.) Please show me a sign! (Galen turns around again. He finds a big billboard has been built in the few seconds inwhich he was tured towards Lost Veegas. He reads it.)
Billboard: Come join the quickly growing family of CFC. Follow the Billboards and you will find us. Next Billboard--->
Galen: A Family! Maybe it's my Family! I bet they will be so surprised to see me!(Galen runs in the direction that the sign pionted.)

[ 26. July 2003, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Galen Frese ]
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 PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2003 9:45 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(Galen follows the Billboards for three days, even though it was a five hour trip.)
Galen:(looking at a windmill with the name CFC on it.) So, my family owns CFC, or at least work there.(walks up to the gate.)
Dwarven Recruter: Name?
Galen: Galen the Insane II
Dwarven Recruter: Gender?
Galen: Male.
Dwarven Recruter: And you're applying for which position?
Galen: Position? Taste Tester???
Dwarven Recruter: Ok. You're in.
(Galen walks into the farm yard. Starts to look for his family.)
Galen: I'm home!! You don't have to hide any more!
(TaleSpinner walks up behind him.)
TaleSpinner: Who are you talking to?
Galen: You're in my family!? Wow! Where is mom?
TaleSpinner: What are you talking about? Have you had too much ale lately?
Galen: You mean my family isn't here? But the Billboard said... but... I WANT MY MOMMY! (Galen starts crying like a little baby.)

[ 26. July 2003, 08:34 AM: Message edited by: Galen Frese ]
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 PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2003 2:37 pm    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

*Somewhere on the computer screen, in the Sovereign's settlement, in the only house therein.*
Loralty the Talkative One: Ah, this is the life. No more Temple responsibilities, no more monsters, and no more DDN. They will never think of looking for me here, as they have forgotten the glitch which allows me to live in Houses. I can work on my primers and grammars in peace. *There is a knock on the door.* Drat! Now who could that be? *Opens the door, and stagers.* Cl-clarina! What a -a surprise.
Clarina, Holy Reporter: Not a pleasant one?
Loralty: Truthfully? Well, no; I was hoping to never see you again. I am trying to start a new life. A new Expansion and all that, you know.
Clarina: Hah! And let your responsibilities go to Krypta, I suppose.
Loralty: I was under the impression that you disliked my handling of the Temple.
Clarina: That's different. Anyway, I have something to ask you.
Loralty: *chokes* I beg your pardon?
Clarina: A favour.
Loralty: You ask ask favour of me? After everything you have done to me?
Clarina: Well, I admit we've had our differences -
Loralty: Differences! You have attempted, since first we met, to undermine my standing with the public, the Church and the Sovereign, to discredit my every deed, to implicate me in every crime,to excommunicate me, to get me accoated before the ecclesiastical courts - even to get me burned at the stake!
Clarina: You have to admit that you deserved most of that.
Loralty: Indeed?
Clarina: You can't deny that you chronically break your oath of silence -
Loralty: A lapse of memory! I mean to get a dispensation -
Clarina: You aid the nefarious Rogues in their enterprises -
Loralty: Protect them from the unjust persecution of the DDN, you mean -
Clarina: And are always, always to be found on the scene of scandalous, criminal activities, if not caught perpetrating them yourself.
Loralty: Under extenuating circumstances! Take Lost Veegas. I had no idea what I was stumbling into. I attempted to reform them, but my efforts came to naught -
Clarina: A likely story, but I don't think the Trumpet will publish. Even so, let us, for now, lay our vendettas to rest. We have bigger problems.
Loralty: How so?
Clarina: Don't you watch the news?
Loralty: Sometimes, inadvertantly, but I try not to.
Clarina: All right, I can sum up our problem in one word: Cooker.
Loralty: *chokes again* Cooker? In th-that case, perhaps I had best invite you in.
Clarina: *snorts* Even if I wanted to come into your heresy-ridden house, I couldn't. My code doesn't contain all the errors yours does.
Loralty: I take offense at that.
Clarina: Poor you. But, about Cooker; you know his fast food chain?
Loralty: I know of it, but fast food is to cuisine what slang is to language,
Clarina: Whatever. It is in connection with his chain, Caboom Fried Chicken *Loralty winces*, that I came to see you about. CFC is driving Burger Sovereign into the ground.
Loralty: What is that to me?
Clarina: Use your head, heretic. Cooker now has a stable money base, which is growing by leaps and bounds, which he can use to finance his obscene projects. You know what that means?
Loralty: *blanches* Armageddon!
Clarina: *smiles grimly* You finaly get the picture. Mix that up with the fact that Burger Sovereign is sure to retaliate, by hook or by crook, you get utter chaos.
Loralty: True. But throwing Eleanor and her ravening pack into the fray will not do much to bring about order. This will require a more subtle approach.
Clarina: Exactly. That's where you come in. Using your underworld connections -
Loralty: How dare you imply that I have any -
Clarina: You and an agent which I will procure will infiltrate Cooker's headquarters.
Loralty: Where will I meet this agent?
Clarina: At Ala Kaboom's Magic Bazaar. You do remember that place, do you not?
Loralty: *loses all the colour he had regained* How could I forget?
Clarina: Good. She'll be waiting for you there, then. *Leaves.*
Loralty: She?
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Raistlin, Archmagus

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Posts: 1805
Location: Krynn, Tower of High Sorcery in Palanthas

 PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2003 9:38 pm    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

Raistlin the Not-So-Powerful: Bleep! Bleepity, bleep, bleep, BLEEP!

Disembodied Voice: Er - why are you cursing, exactly?

Raistlin: I'm not! *He pauses in his listening to glance upwards, where he always looks to address the Disembodied Voice. Too bad he never thought to look behind him.* I like the word bleep! It's a truly magnificent word, isn't it? *He pauses to lift a hand to rub his chin, thinking.* Maybe it's because I hear it so often? Who's normally screeching it all the time?

Disembodied Voice: *Sounding of someone smacking himself in the head* (How does a Disembodied Voice go about doing that?) Soverign Jay, maybe?

Raistlin: *Frowns, confused* Who? *His head jerks forward as if he's been smacked upside the head* Hey! *A look of comprehending comes over his face.* Ohhhh! You mean the dude who curses a lot?

*A loud groan comes behind him; of course, he looks up.*

Disembodied Voice: Why, of all the insane wizards, did I get stuck with him?! I mean, there were a bunch of great wizards out there! Cooker, for instance! I like meglomaniacs!

Raistlin: *Lower lip trembling, meek, pathetic voice* You don't love me?

Disembodied Voice: You have one big -Bleep!- family/love issues, you know that?

Raistlin: *Grins merrily and starts on his way again* Yep, I know! You've told me since I was so high! * Gestures much higher than his own hieght. Another grown comes forth.

A little later, after twelve wrong turns, three more smacks from Disembodied Voice, and a pause to cackle insanley a a butterfly as it floated past, our hero *cough* has reached a fork in the road...(so to speak)

Raistlin: It's such a hard decision! CFC, or Soveriegn Burger?! I can't decide? Mommy! Heeeelp! *Disembodied Voice smacks him for the fifth time that day* Owie. Owie! *Reaches up to rub his head* That hurt. You're mean! You're a meanie! *Stops to giggle, and quiets himself at the look Disembodied Voice is giving him* What was I doing again?

Disembodied Voice: DECIDING! So make one!

Raistlin: One what?

Disembodied Voice: A DECISION!! *Another groan*

Raistlin: *A confused look on his face* What was the decision...? Oh! CFC of Soverign Burger! I CAN'T DECIDE!! Oh well, I'll just head for CFC; cool initials!

Disembodied Voice: *Groans miserably* Why me, I ask you? Why me?!

[ 15. July 2003, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Raistlin, Archmagus ]
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 PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2003 12:02 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

[We see a rogue, Neddy the Shaft, running across the map. He suddenly stops and is panting and sweating.]
Neddy: My gods, if I run another few 'pixels' with this HEAVY crossbow, I'm gonna pass out! Rogues are supposed to be stealthy! I don't see why Guildmaster had to issue us big hunkin' crossbows.
Peasant: Uh, who are you talking to?
Neddy: Myself.
Peasant: Ummm..okay...Anyway, I hope you saw the reward flag hovering above that creature den over there. It's worth...wait, hold on a sec [the peasant reaches in his pockets and pulls out his spectacles] Ah, that's better. It's worth 300 gold coins.
Neddy: 300 yella'! Sweet... I'm outta here.
[Soon, we see Neddy hunched over to one side and shooting arrows into a cave. The cave is emitting guttural beast noises.]
Neddy: My ambition has paid off.
[Suddenly we hear a booming voice coming from the sky.]
Jay: Oh, c'mon! I spent 300 on a reward flag and all I get is one lousy Rogue?? I mean, c'mon! Do some more damage will ya, that cave's not gonna destroy by itself.
Neddy: Hey, hey, hey! Somebody makin' fun of my skill? Who's there? [Neddy looks to the sky, the source of the voice. He sees a giant glass square in the sky.] Ah, the Sovereign himself. I bow before you sir.
Jay: Look, I'm not paying you to bow and waste time. Hurry up and destroy that den! It's terrorizing my peasants in the kingdom.
Neddy: Oh, right, right. Sorry, your Majesty.
Jay: [To no one in particular] Where are the others?!?!
[2 days passes on the time-meter and Neddy is still hunched there, shooting arrows at the den, which still looks good as new.]
Jay: Christ, how long are you gonna be here? ANYDAY now, Rogue.
Neddy: [Yawns] Just a bit more.
Jay: The den must be high in HP. Either that or you're very, very, VERY weak.
Neddy: [Suddenly stops shooting and looks up] WEAK?
[Neddy picks up a rock and throws it at the giant glass square in the sky.]
Jay: Hey, not the 17 inch monitor!!
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Shifty Coindrop

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Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2003 12:47 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(The scene goes to the dimly lit conference room of the Burger Sovereign corporate headquarters... which was actually an Outpost with the corporate colors painted on the building and a big herald with the logo. Four figures are seated at one end of a long table. Hisses spill quietly as one of those figures bounce up and down on an executive chair. Another slides into the light, revealing himself to be Kurt Consumer, CEO of Burger Sovereign.)

Sssssst... Sssssst! Sssssst... Sssssst! Sssssst... Sssssst!

Kurt: (Watching the bouncing figure with curiosity) Is this a usual habit or just some temporary bout of insanity?
Shifty Coindrop: Cherik is easily amused by pneumatic chairs.
Ytfihs Pordnioc: It's one of the few joys remaining in his sad, pathetic life after that whole Lost Veegas incident. You'll have to excuse him.
Kurt: (Nodding) We all saw that. If I was in his situation I'd probably be finding a nice chair to bounce on myself.
Cherik of Keldurn: (Basically in another world for the moment... a happy, sunshiny rainbow-filled one where he's bouncing on the chair) Wheeee...
Kurt: Anyways Gentlemen, you all know what's going on from the news. CFC is starting to claw its way into our profit market like a disgusting, twisted parasite and we're at a loss on how to stop it. Especially with what we've just learned not long too long ago.
Shifty: So you came crawling to us for the help.
Kurt: (Whimper) Yes.
Ytfihs: So what do ya want us to do? And what's with the shady lighting? It's rather cliché and worn out if ya ask me.
Kurt: Some of the fluorescent bulbs burned and we can't afford replacements thanks to Cooker. And you may want to see this before I tell you want I wish from you gentlemen.

(They leave Cherik to his Chair Bounce. A projector turns on and illuminates a blank wall. With a click an image of some unhealthy-looking valley is set in place.)

Shifty: Nice real estate.
Kurt: This is serious gentlemen. The photo you see there was one of a few taken not too long ago by one of our managers desperate to get a promotion to Regional. Apparently Cooker has gone even more over the edge than usual.
Shifty: You need to find a better photo shop to get your films developed there Kurt. That's some ugly gray blotch.
Kurt: That gray blotch is what ought to have Ardania worried.
Ytfihs: [Bleep.] It's one of Cooker's new Weapons of Mass Destruction innit?
Kurt: It's a logical choice.

(The projector clicks to a closeup of what now looks like an immense gray fortress with towers painted red and white... and the letters IXMIL emblazoned above the gates.)

Shifty: That looks like a Palace converted into a CFC. You're hiring us to take out a renovated Palace!?
Ytfihs: What's IXMIL?
Kurt: It's one of Cooker's WMDs I assure you Mr. Coindrop. Let me explain; before the Manager got caught, he sent us the photos, and a recording by Crystal Ball.

(He slides onto the table a crystal sphere the size of a hardball and rubs it. The crystal ball shimmers and the recording starts to play.)

Manager: (Gasping and whispered, kind of like a college film student) Cooker and some Priestesses just brought it online... They call it IXMIL... It's supposed to be some kind of mobile CFC franchise and delivery service that can teleport all over Ardania... Not only that it can evade Tax Collectors, Barbarians and Paladins... and it can defend itself. By Dauros that's... not right... I'm so scared... What's that!?

(The Crystal Ball crackles static and goes silent.)

Kurt: I don't know what happened to him. He could have ended up as a skeleton or zombie shift worker in that infernal contraption... or they could have made him part of a Combo Meal.
Shifty: (Makes a leering face) Uuuuugh...
Kurt: I believe Cooker has invested a significant amount of his gold into developing and activating IXMIL. Gentlemen, your objective should you accept this mission is to find IXMIL and find a way to deactivate it permanently... or find a way to override its command network and deliver it to Burger Sovereign Headquarters intact, if you can.
Shifty: And what's in it for us to cover the necessary expenses Mr. Consumer?
Kurt: Being low in gold-
Shifty: Forget it... Come on boys. (Gets up from his chair)
Kurt: -the board decided to come up with these as compensation for your services. (Takes out a suitcase and opens it, revealing stacks of paper and three golden cards on the stack) 3,000 shares in Burger Sovereign, and three BS Executive Meal Cards.
Ytifhs: Executive Meal Cards? (His eyes widen) For the love o Fervus you're kidding me!
Kurt: We're quite serious about stopping Cooker's mad scheme.
Cherik: (Snaps out of his daydreams and blinks) Executive Meal Cards? My goodness, that's a lifetime of free Garlic Onion Sovereign Burgers!
Ytfihs: (Glares at Cherik) Don't remind me...
Shifty: (Sits down) That sounds better. So, before we get this deal done, what can you tell us about what IXMIL is like inside?
Kurt: I'm afraid nobody working on the behalf of Burger Sovereign has been able to describe the inner workings of IXMIL. You'll be on your own on trying to figure it out... although any and every Burger Sovereign franchise in Ardania will be at your disposal during this mission.
Shifty: (Holds out his hand to shake Kurt's) You have yourself a deal. Come on boys, we have a monster to take care of.

[ 16. July 2003, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Shifty Coindrop ]
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 PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:59 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(TaleSpinner and Galen assemble with the rest of the recently hired heroes next to the CFC HQ courtyard. They're all attired in a yellow pin-stripe shirt with a "Hello! My name is.." name-tag. They were also given a "Service with a Smile" cap as well, but it couldn't fit the WoD's helmets so they hung them on their blade-sticks instead. A dwarf taps a microphone to gain their attention.)

Nobody Bond: Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? (squeee sound that fades off) Right. Good day to everyone assembled here. I'd first like to congratulate everyone for making CFC their choice employer. (A few scattered claps) We'd now like to reveal to you all the latest addition to CFC - the first teleporting CFC Outlet!

(A swirling sound as a fortress-like building materialises in front of them. The gates swing open by themselves with a grating squeak that could set a ratman's teeth on edge.)

TaleSpinner: (mouth open) Corr! That's incredible!
Galen II: Maybe my mommy is in there!
Nobody Bond: Ahem. I welcome you all as the first employees in the CFC IXMIL outlet! Okay, no time to waste - everyone inside!

(Everyone troops into the open fortress gates.)

Galen II: Where do you think we're going?
TaleSpinner: (shrugs) Dunno. But hopefully there'll be people there whom I can hit with my stick. (They follow the crowd into the entrance)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Nobody Bond makes his way into the IXMIL Control Room. Cooker is already there, his feet up on the control panel.)

Nobody: Okay, we're ready to go, sir.
IXMIL: Good afternoon, Mr Bond.
Nobody: (frantically looking around) Who said that!?
Cooker: (rolls eyes) That's IXMIL talking. I told you that it has an A.I.
Nobody: (sheepishly) Oh. Right. It's just that I get nervous when somebody greets me with my last name like that.

(A red pin-point glow appears in the middle of a dark port-hole shaped screen in front of them.)

IXMIL: Greetings. I am IXMIL, a self-aware artificial intelligence controlling this installation.
Cooker: (impatiently) Yeah, yeah I know all that already. Let's get a move on!
IXMIL: As you wish, Wizard Cooker. Do you have the location of where you wish to tele-
Cooker: (snaps) Yes, yes - I've put it in already - the Goblin lands up North. So move it!
IXMIL: (brief pause) As you command, Wizard Cooker.
Nobody: (whispering to Cooker) Um sir, I just want to tell you that this thing is giving me the creeps!
Cooker: Of course it does. It runs on Krypta magic. That normally freaks out anybody.
Nobody: (still whispering) Well, maybe you should tone down a little when you're talking to it.
Cooker: Oh, geez - it's an artificial intelligence, okay? I'm beginning to think that your intelligence is artificial too!

(They both do not notice a disturbing little flare in IXMIL's red glow...)

[ 16. July 2003, 04:09 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
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 PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2003 7:52 pm    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

*Inside Loralty's House. The Monk sits dejectedly, staring at nothing.*
Loralty: Whatever will I do? Cooker must be stopped, that is obvious, but I cannot do it alone. And, if I do take up Clarina's advice, to call in the Three Rogues - why, she will have yet more ammunition to throw against me! On the other hand . . . what choice do I have? Besides, this is the Northern Expansion. Maybe the DDN will not have such influence here. *Squares his shoulders and picks up an old rotary phone.* Ah, operator? Get me the Forumnian Rogues' Guild. *Waits for seveeral minutes.* What, no answer?
Recorded Voice: Hello, you have reached the Forumnian Rogues' Guild. At present, there is no one available to take your call. If you are a client, please feel free to leave a message, and one of our agents wil get back to you. If you are a Paladin or otherwise associated with the DDN, then -BLEEP- your -BLEEPIN'- -BLEEP-!
Loralty: Ah, well, they do have an answering machine. *Clears his throat.* Hello, Shifty, Ytfihs, Cherik. I was wondering if you could assist me in a little assignment. I shall be at the, um, Magic Bazaar. You recall the one? Where Cooker had his little metamorphosis? And, do not be surprised if someone else is there. Thank you, good-bye. *Hangs up.* Well, that is accomplished. Now, I suppose, I had best head for Ala Kaboom's.
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 PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2003 11:18 pm    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(Galen and TaleSpinner walk into I.X.M.I.L. just as the doors shut.)
Nobody: Everyone to there stations!
Galen: (rubbing his head.)What's a "stations"?
Nobody: (rolls his eyes)Where you work, idiot!
Galen: (Controlling his anger)Thank you very much.(Looks over to TaleSpinner.) What is your position?
TaleSpinner: Counter Attendent. What are you?
Galen: A Taste Tester.
(Galen and TaleSpinner4 walk to their stations.)
Galen: (Finally finds the Taste Testing area.)What do I do now.
IXMIL: You taste the new products that Cooker has made. There is your first pile now. (A pile of the new spicy CFC fall from a vent from above. A bounch of Cultists and Rangers dive for it.)
Galen: (Reads the sign.)Cool, Spicy Caboom Fried Chicken!(Galen reaches for one and takes a bite.) Fervrus that is hot! (Galen now sees the after effect on some of the other Taste Tester. He now looks at the speaker.) What is the new ingredient?
IXMIL: Gun Powder, Gasaline, and the brand new Fire sauce!
Galen: (Looks strangely at the speaker.) Cool! (Galen inhales the rest of the pile, because everyone else is sick, and even some of the Taste Testers are now missing.)
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 PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:32 am    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

[After the confrontation with SovJ, Neddy is off again, wandering the pixels of the map. Suddenly a mammoth fortress with the words IXMIL forms in front of him]
IXMIL: Join us, nomadic Rogue and see the aggrandizement of your status. You will be wealthy and have powers beyond your dreams!
Neddy: A talking building...uh, what are you?
IXMIL: CFC Corporate Restaurant.
Neddy: Ah..that makes so much more sense...Yes. [looks around for an escape] Well, I'm gonna go now. I have to uh...wash my [moments silence] yeti...
IXMIL: Join us, Rogue and we'll see that your weapon gets replaced with a better one.
Neddy: [Excited] Finally! Someone that understands!!
IXMIL: Enter, and be recruited.
[A figure of a woman appears in Neddy's mind]
Woman: Neddy, don't you dare work with that CFC junk!
Neddy: MA???? [Obviously, his mother is an apparition]
Ma: That's right, boy. And don't you go do something I disapprove. [Reveals a stick] See this, boy? You want me to tan your backside like your wee days?
[Neddy whimpers and cowers from the stick. IXMIL, if he had a face it would look confused. Neddy looks embarrassed from the denunciation]
IXMIL: Excuse me but is there a glitch in my vision system, or are you talking to yourself.
Neddy: [Panic] It's me MA!
Ma: Neddy, watch that selfish mind of yours. Boy, what have I been feeding you since you were a tot? BURGER SOVEREIGN. [Tears start streaming down her face] I remember it all. You were so little and you gobbled those burgers happy.
Neddy: Aw, Ma.
Ma: Burger Sovereign was our lifeblood, Neddy. If you start working as their rival, you would be a family disgrace. Your father and your two brothers, Torquin and Zax. The choice is yours, Neddy. [Poof, she disappears]
IXMIL: [A light flashes a couple times, possibly the machine equivalent of blinking in confusion]
Neddy: Look, I can't do me family harm. But what will you offer if I take the job?
IXMIL: 10 years dental insurance.
Neddy: [Thinks about it for a minute] Ah, no.
IXMIL: Two month's vacation.
Neddy: Nope.
IXMIL: CFC Chicken on demand.
Neddy: Nope.
IXMIL: We promise you a fun and safe environment.
Neddy: Nope.
IXMIL: [Sighs] Free Ice Dragon Gelato®
Neddy: [Without hesitation] Done!

[ 17. July 2003, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Vizzerdrix ]
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 PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2003 3:31 pm    Post subject: ToF: Fortress of I.X.M.I.L. Reply with quote Back to top

(Galen was still "Taste Testing" when IXMIL teleported, and landed with a bump.)
Galen: What's happening? What's happening?(Galen said, very distressed.) I don't feel so good.(Galen walks to the bathroom an vomits like there was no tommorow.) This is going on my report of...(continues to barf. After twenty more minutes of vomiting, Galen passed out. By the time he woke up, something was going on in the taste testing room.) Hello. What is goin on. Is it brake already?(What Galen saw next was very disturbing...).
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