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ToF: A Deal with the Demon
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 4:42 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

Tales of Forumia: The Epic Quests

A Deal with the Demon

Cast List: (in order of appearance)
TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane (Warrior of Discord)
Cooker the Mighty (Megalomaniac Dwarven Wizard)
Shifty Coindrop (Rogue)
Ytfihs Pordnioc (Another rogue)
Cherik of Keldern (Yet another rogue)
Loralty the Talkative One (Monk, Falotar alter-ego)
Archmage the *thunderclap!* Semi-Powerful (Wizard *thunderclap!* Hey now,cut that out!)
Pretty Cow (Cultist, Adept-wannabe)
Wendy (Wendigo, buddy of Pretty Cow)
Somebody Bond (Dwarven Agent for the C.S.A.)
Nobody Bond (Another Dwarven Agent for the C.S.A.)
DragonWizard (Ranger/Warrior, Hubby of Clarina)
Will the Fleet (Wizard/Adept)

Special Guest Star:
Sister Gloom (Priestess reporter for CNN Ardania)

Note:
ToF would like to thank our sponsors and the following societies which have made this story possible:

Cyberlore Discussion Forums (long live Cyberlore!)
Who wants to be a Millionaire? (I hope they don't sue our a-bleep!-es over this..)
CNN Ardania (just can't tear my eyes off the TV..)
Cooker's Semi-Intelligence Agency (C.S.A.) (global conspiracies at it's finest)
Ardanian Legal Services (They promised to drop their lawsuit if we included them in)

[ 09 October 2002, 04:36 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 4:46 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(The theme song for 'Who wants to be a Millionaire?' plays in the background)

Game-show Host: Welcome to another exciting installment of 'Who wants to be a Millionaire?' - the most popular game-show in Ardania! (applause!) We're here with a few potential-looking contestants! (camera flicks through each of the contestants) Peasant#45123 from Val-Morgan! (applause!) Guard#4332 from Mayhew! (applause!) Caravan Driver#435 from the Northern Reaches! (applause!) and Demon#665 from the Foulest Pit of Hell!

(a few hesitant claps as a huge, horned demon stares unnervingly at the audience with it's red-glowing eyes.)

Game-show Host: Right! Now you all know the rules - the fastest one to get the correct answer to this question will be chosen to play the game! Now, (music plays) How many heads does Vendral have? A. Two B. Fifty-five C. What? or D. For a good time, call 1800-ELVEN-LOUNGE.. Hey! Who prepared these ans-

(three blood-curling screams and three very wet-sounding explosions occur. When the green smoke clears, there are no contestants left, except for Demon#665)

Game-show Host: (coughing) Where did all this green smoke come from!? And what the heck was that noise!? (looks at his monitor) Anyway, from the results the only one who answered correctly was Demon#665!

(theme song plays as Demon#665 teleports to the 'hot-seat' (pardon the pun))

Game-show Host: (nervously) Ah yes, that was a very fancy move. What did you say your job was again?
Demon#665: I bring eternal suffering and torture to the Damned in the lowest region of Hell. (sounds of wailing souls in the background)
Game-show Host: (looks around) Where did that noise come from!? (turns back to Demon#665) Riiight. Let's hope you'll be able to get far with us tonight!
Demon#665: (more sounds of wailing souls in the background) I do not like hard questions.
Game-show Host: (starts to sweat) Oh, it's all luck, you see. We randomly select questions from a list of-
Demon#665: (glares) I do not like unco-operative game-show hosts.
Game-show Host: (fixated grin) Riiight. (bends sideways to whisper urgently to someone off the screen, 'Easy questions, okay? Easy questions!'. Coughs as he resumes his position.) Okay, let's get started! The first question is worth 100 gold. (theme music plays as the host reads the first question) What is two times three? A. 6 B. 600 C. 6,0000 D. 600,000 (thumbs up to the unseen person off-screen)
Demon#665: (malevolent stare at the question on its screen) I do not like math questions.
Game-show Host: (freezes in mid-thumbs up for a moment before mouthing a 'Aww, come ON!' to the hidden person off-screen) Ah, well - you can always use your life-lines. You've got Call a friend, Poll the Audience and Fifty-fifty.
Demon#665: (thinks for a while) I will call a.. friend.
Game-show Host: Okay, who're we calling?
Demon#665: (stares at the game-show host) Someone who knows the answer.
Game-show Host: (laughs nervously) Ahahhah - good one.. (urgently whispers to the side 'Call someone! I don't friggin' care - anyone!') Okay, we're calling someone for the answer right now.

(bored voice of Ytfihs comes on)

Voice of Ytfihs: Rogue's Guild, Forumnia - what'd you want?
Game-show Host: Ohplease,deargods,pleaseanswerthisquestionorelsewe'llalldie- Ahem, I mean, hello there - this is 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' and we've got a contestant who wants you to answer a question.
Voice of Ytfihs: (agitated tone) What's this - some kind of a joke? Cherik, if this is you trying to pull another one on me like that time you called up pretending to be someone scouting for male participants for 'Temptation Island' I swear I'll break your-
Demon#665: Greetings, mortal..
Voice of Ytfihs: (still agitated) Who the hell is this!? And what's that wailing in the background!?
Demon#665: (pauses for a while) How very perceptive of you, mortal. I come from the foulest, depths of Hell.
Voice of Ytfihs: Yeah, right! And I'm the Sovereign's mother!
Demon#665: (snaps) Answer me this, Sovereign's mother, What is two times three? A. 6 B. 600 C. 6,0000 D. 600,000?

(no sound apart from someone choking with laughter on the other side)

Voice of Ytfihs: Now I DO know that this is a joke! What's wrong Cherik? Can't come up with an intelligent question? Oh, wait - I forgot, 'Intelligent Cherik' is an oxy-moron!
Demon#665: (glares) The lives of you and your loved ones hang upon the accuracy of your answer, mortal..
Voice of Ytfihs: (sneers) Right, and you can just pick 'D', and shove it up your- (cut off and there's a 'terminated' beeping noise)
Demon#665: (stares at the host) D... There is the answer. D.
Game-show Host: (looks upwards) Why me? Why me? Why me?

[ 02 August 2002, 01:16 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 4:47 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(camera shows Sister Gloom, priestess reporter for CNN Ardania)

Sister Gloom: We interrupt your program to bring you several news updates. A group of peasants on their way to fix a distant Ranger's Guild have encountered a large, dragon rampaging the country side. They have been killed. A tax-collector carrying 1000 gold from the marketplace has walked straight into a troll waiting around the corner. He has been killed. A veteran guard- (a skeletal hand from the side of the screen hands her a piece of paper. She reads it and looks up solemnly) This just in, a demon from the depths of Hell has appeared in the Sovereign's court demanding to be paid what it says is owed to it. In it's own words, the Sovereign's mother has costed the demon a lump sum of money and caused the termination of the popular 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' game show. The sum of 100 gold was unable to be paid on the spot due to the sudden death of the Palace tax-collector, as stated earlier, with no heroes in the vicinity to collect the gold when the tax-collector was killed. The demon has warned that it will return to collect its money at a later date, and has tripled the amount which brings the total sum to (pauses as she re-reads the figure) 100,000 gold. Can the Sovereign afford this vast amount of gold to be paid to this denizen of Hell? Stay tuned for more updates.
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 4:48 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(TaleSpinner the Mildly Insane strolls along near the Palace and is astonished to see a bunch of newly, regenerated peasants rushing out. They immediately start building a marketplace right in front of him.)

TaleSpinner: What the heck is going on here!?
Peasant#53225: Can't stop! The Sovereign has ordered all peasants to start building marketplaces, or heads will roll!
Female Peasant#53226: 'e didn't say that! 'e said something more profound - and I don't understand what 'e was saying about swiveling us on umbrellas before opening them.
Peasant#53227: (turns pale) Dear gods, don't remind us! (starts pounding frantically)
TaleSpinner: (confused) Oh well, I suppose I'd better not get in your way. (heads off to the Gambling Hall)

[ 31 July 2002, 06:01 AM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 6:33 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

Cooker proudly looked down from the top of his fortress at the newly elected “Hell foundry” Blacksmith. The following advertisement can be even seem from such distance (The advertisement is magically imprinted in air so it can be replaced and changed at anytime.):

“Found weapons and armors level 1 to 3, enchant weapon and armors level 1 to 3, Update NOW and get a enchantment for free. Quality Guaranteed: This foundry uses best dwarven metal and use fire directly channeled from Hell! The foundry will replace any weapon that breaks down within one minute for free. If you want customer support, please call 000 for Ardania, 195 for Forumia, 010 for the dwarven fortress and 011 for the blacksmith, we will immediately send our customer support via long-range transport, and we do not pay for any damage caused by landing.”

Cooker armed his transport at a marketplace before a fellow engineer interrupted him.
“Master … The Sovereign has increased tax to 500%, and he wish to see all guild masters immediately. He is DEAD serious, I mean, even the rouge master is on his way …”
It only took Cooker’s dwarven mind to figure out how serious it is: The elves cash bonus will divert the Sovereign’s favor, and it could be the end of dwarven influence in Forumia if he is absent.

“Will do, plot a cause to the palace, and Make sure our agents remove the all Elven structure from sovereign’s Tech tree.”

“Yes Master”

While Cooker is on his way, his agent’s are in the in-door garden within the palace. The center of the in door palace is a tree; each of its branch sparks with magic – The tech tree. There is a pair of stoned Palace guard guarding it. They are snoring so loudly that when the Agents entered, they woke each other up.

Guard I: “Halt, in the name of the sovereign!”
Cooker’s Agent I: “No, We are agents, we are not supposed to be stopped by Guards!”
Guard II: “Yes, but depends, some agent are supposed to be stop.”
Cooker’s Agent II: “We don’t have ‘Some’ in our names, let us though.”
Guard I: “So, what are your names?”
Cooker’s Agent III: “Troublesome Bond, Gruesome Bond, wholesome Bond.”
Guard II: “So, you are supposed to be stopped”.
Cooker’s Agent I: “No, There is a special rule to which agent can be stopped.”
Guard I: “What’s it”
Cooker’s Agent II: “Anyone carrying ‘James’ or ‘bond’ as any part of their name should not be stopped, this override the first rule.”
Guard II: “I didn’t know that.”
Cooker’s Agent III: “About time to learn, stand down and look sleepy.”
Guard II&I: “Well do.” (Sleeps on the spot.)
Cooker’s Agents: “L.O.L” (Break out axes and rush to the tree)
SovJ: “Beep … Beeping beep guard is beeping me beep! Beep Beep Beep!”
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 6:48 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

At same time, In the Lawyer Office of the Palace …

After a whole day of arguments…

SovJ’s lawyer: “It boils down to this (pointing at his legal document): your client did not specify the type of currency, The Name of the sovereign in question, He only specified the amount and due, I can not make this offer.”
Demon’s lawyer (Took out his law book): “According to the Laws of Hell 314312, Rule 9800965, That a demon is allowed to request anyone living creature in any would to pay up its demand, in Local Gold pieces. It’s the hell’s convention not to specify the name and the type of currency. The only person to date, who refused the pay up is Ulther the LightBringer In the world of WarCraft, who had his urn stolen when he died, he had Absolutely nothing left. However, SovJ does not suffer from the same problem.”
SovJ’s lawyer: “I will see my client tomorrow, come in 2 days. If you can excuse me, I have not been the bathroom once today, because I have been talking to you.”

Demon’s Lawyer: “Will do” (Disappears)
SovJ’s lawyer rush out of his office to the bathroom

SovJ: “Beeping Legal problem. Beep, BEEP, BEEP!”
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 7:08 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

Heaven …
Dauros looked at another pair of legal document, looked and dumped both into the trash can.
“I am starting to get more and more trash everyday…”
He thought for a second …
“I thereby order Loralty the Talkative One to become my Avatar and Chief Judge in the mortal world, he will honorably and flawlessly deal with all my … Trash mail .”

[ 31 July 2002, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Cooker ]
 
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Shifty Coindrop



Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2002 11:29 pm    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(Strolling out of the Rogue's Guild for the first time in a long while, Shifty Coindrop, Ytfihs Pordnioc and Cherik of Keldern are discussing amongst themselves the current events as they head towards the Palace.)

Ytfihs: (Holds his hands up, defensive in tone) I *swear* I didn't know it was a real call! You know how many times Cherik tries to be a comedian?
Cherik: Oh please... you *knew* I was downstairs at the Shop handling Poisoned Weapon customers. And you say *I'm* the oxymoron.
Ytfihs: Exactly! It's when you start sniffing the purple plant fumes that you get the idea for these crank calls!
Cherik: And thanks to you I'll never get a chance at a million gold. Hmph.
Shifty: Boys Boys Boys... the damage is already done, now we have to move on. (Sighs) A Guildmaster Meeting. This can't be good.
Cherik: A meeting with the Sovereign is seldom good for us, Sir.
Ytfihs: I dunno, this doesn't feel like a Palace Rocketing. Usually they send Veggies down to haul us towards the Palace, and this time we got a gold-engraved invitation with fancy-pansy words beggin' us to come over.
Shifty: Precisely. Boys, there's only one time the Sovereign is ever allowed to call upon the Guildmasters for a gathering.
Ytfihs: What's that?
Cherik: (Solemnly) When there is a grave financial matter at hand.

(All three wince at the same time.)

Ytfihs: Holy [BLEEP!]...
Shifty: Exactly. Boys, I think Adan's gonna discuss jacking up the tax rate-
Cherik: But Sir... The Rogue's Guild is specifically exempted from paying taxes according to Ardanian Law.
Shifty: We don't have to pay taxes. But we're still going to be knee-deep in it lads.
Ytfihs: Whaddaya mean?
Shifty: While all the other Guildmasters have to dump more cash to those Fat Bastards of Adan's, the Rogue's Guildmaster is placed in charge of Alternate Revenue Collection.
Ytfihs: Alternate Revenue Collection?
Cherik: He means The E Word, Sir.
Ytfihs: (His eyes widen) No... not The E Word!
Shifty: I'm afraid so Ytfihs. It's going to be E Word Time for all of us.
Ytfihs: Remember the last time we went on The E Word Express?
Cherik: All too vividly. And when we had to visit the Paladins' Guild...

(Again they all wince at the same time.)

Ytfihs: Do we really have to do this?
Shifty: It's a necessary evil. And on top of that, we'll have to find more ways to rake up cash that Adan can pay off the Demon with.
Cherik: And we're all going to have to do this because Ytfihs didn't believe the phone call was real.

(Shifty has to spend the rest of the walk to the Palace trying to keep Ytfihs from strangling Cherik.)
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2002 3:51 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(The Gambling Hall is packed with the usual riff-raff and punters. The crowd around the Sovereign's Wheel table is particularly busy.)

Dealer: Step right up for your chance to win!

(TaleSpinner comes up)

Dealer: You there, sir! Here's your big break waiting for you! Someone with your skills will definately win big!
TaleSpinner: (frowns) Skills?
Dealer: (grinning like a shark about to make a kill) Of course, my dear, skilled WoD! You're simply skillfully brimming with skills!
TaleSpinner: (thoughtfully) Well, I AM pretty good at hitting things with this scythe.
Dealer: (decides to reel him in) Ah well then - you should place a wager on the Sovereign's Wheel!
TaleSpinner: Okay (dumps a bag of gold on the gaming table. The dealer's eyes rivet to it like ball-bearings to a magnet) So how do you play this game?
Dealer: What? (turns back to WoD) Oh, right! It's simple - first, you put your gold on one of the coloured circles..
TaleSpinner: (excitedly) And then I hit the circles with my scythe!?
Dealer: Ermm.. no - I then spin this big wheel here..
TaleSpinner: And then I hit the wheel with my scythe?
Dealer: (getting frustrated) No no no - then I flick this marble into the spinning wheel, see?
TaleSpinner: (nods in understanding) Ahh! Then I hit the ball with my scythe!?
Dealer: (snaps) NO! Geez - just choose a colour, okay!?

(The WoD pushes the bag of gold uncertainly into the Gold circle.)

Dealer: (beams) A good choice! (spins the wheel, flicks in the marble and after a few spins, it rests on..) SKULLS!!!
 
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TaleSpinner



Joined: 08 Sep 2000
Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2002 3:53 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(The door of the Gambling Hall opens and TaleSpinner is carried out by a dozen Hall bouncers.)

TaleSpinner: Wait! This is all a misunderstanding, really! I thought I was supposed to hit the dealer with my scythe! I mean it all sort of made sense when he shouted SKULLS! I still don't understand how the game works! AAAaa!!!

(The bouncers attempt to heave the WoD away but give up and dump him on the ground instead. They retreat into the Hall and slam the door shut.)

TaleSpinner: (sulks) Crummy bouncers!

[ 01 August 2002, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: TaleSpinner ]
 
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Falotar



Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2002 5:29 pm    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

*The Temple to Dauros. Loralty is polishing the golden Scales of Balance above the altar, when sudenly the chamber fills with a mystic, golden light.*
Dauros: Arise from thy labours, Templemaster.
*Loralty rises, turns, and collapses once again to a kneeling position.*
Loralty: Holy Dauros!
Dauros: Yes, it is I, the Law Giver. I have a special honour for thee, my servant - and a special task.
Loralty: Any-anything you desire, Great One, and I shal attempt to do it.
Dauros: I have chosen you to be my Chief Judge, directing the courts of Ardania. In addition, I hereby bestow you my blssing, gifting you with the powers of my earthly representative -the Avatar of Dauros!
*Loralty shivers, both at the unexpected happening and at the sudden surge of power.*
Loralty: But, Law Giver, why me? I have been excommunicated almost every adventure - both the Inquisition and the DDN are after my head! Surely I have nothing to deserve this honour?
Dauros: Your humility does you honour. As for my misguided servants; the Gods are not fooled by the petty plottings of mortals. Divinia and Saturninus can do nothing to oppose my will.
Loralty: I suppose not. *He inwardly shudders.*
Dauros: Fear not. You are, after all, my Avatar. Now then. Presently thou shalt be summoned before King Adan on an urgent matter. En route to the Palace, you will meet a lawyer representing the King in a serious lawsuit.
Loralty: Lawsuit?
Dauros: A Demon from the depths of Hell has sued the Sovereign for sponsering the program "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The Demon claims that the host cheated him and sued for damages - 100,000 gold. You, as Chief Judge, shall hear the opposing lawyers, take testimony, and decide a ruling in the matter.
Loralty: *gulp* I understand.
Dauros: You have done great deeds before; I trust you shall not fail me now. Farewell. *The God vanishes. The Temple chimes ring, announcing someone at the door. Loralty shuffles over.*
Loralty: Yes?
Palace Guard #80: King Jay wants you at the Palace. Emergency Guildmaster Meeting.
Loralty: Oh dear . . .
 
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Shifty Coindrop



Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 5:27 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

(The Three Rogues aren't quite near the Palace just yet when they stop off at one of the many brand new Marketplaces. Ytfihs has calmed down since the last time and Cherik is no longer in danger of being throttled... for the moment.)

Shifty: Adan's going ballistic with these strip malls lads. If that's not another sign of a financial Day of Reckoning, I don't know what is.
Ytfihs: I kinda like the aesthetics of these places meself. Sculptured shrubs, water fountains, and all kindsa trendy stores.
Cherik: Look... there's even an amusement park.

(Scene briefly cuts to many Heroes, Peasants and Veteran Guards screaming as they go whipping around in a gigantic rollercoaster, a calliope playing the theme to Majesty over and over in the background.)

SovJ: SETH!? DID YOU KLUNGE MY COPY OF ROLLERCOASTER TYCOON INTO THE [BLEEP!]-IG GAME!?
Seth: Yeah, I got bored and I didn't think you wanted me to bring back any dead Monsters or Heroes.
SovJ: ... oh [Bleep!] it. I don't see anything bad happening this time.
Seth: You're not going to throttle me?
SovJ: We'll see.

(Scene cuts back to the Rogues as they stop by a Burger Sovereign/Newspaper Stand.)

Peasant Cashier #1225: Welcome to Burger Sovereign. What would you like to order?
Shifty: Three Sovereign Burger Deluxe with The Works, three medium colas, and a copy of The Trumpet of Dauros.
Ytfihs: The Trumpet? And I thought Cherik was the only one who sniffed the purple plant fumes.
Shifty: It's an M.I.B. rapsheet for us Ytfihs my boy. We know what they know.
Cherik: Practical counterintelligence strategy Sir.
Ytfihs: Neat.
Peasant Cashier #1225: That will be 10 Gold. For here or to go?
Shifty: To go.

(Peasant Cashier #1225 goes back and soon returns with three large paper bags with the Burger Sovereign logo and a copy of The Trumpet. After a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors decides that Ytfihs pays the 10 Gold, they resume course back towards the Palace as they eat lunch. But it's not long before...)

Shifty: (Coughs and almost chokes on his lunch) HOLY [BLEEP!]
Ytfihs: (Smacks Shifty's back repeatedly) Careful! Careful! What the [Bleep!] are you up in alarms about?
Shifty: (Hands the copy of The Trumpet to Cherik as he clears his throat) Read This.
Cherik: "ALLEGED HERETIC ORDAINED BY DAUROS AS AVATAR."
Ytfihs: Holy [Bleep!]
Shifty: That's what I said. Read on, Cherik.
Cherik: "ALLEGED HERETIC ORDAINED BY DAUROS AS AVATAR by Delphinia the Just. In a move that has totally stunned and caught the entire Church of Dauros with its pants down, The Law Giver himself has chosen frequently excommunicated monk Loralty the Talkative One to become his channeled representative on Ardania and serve as judge of the upcoming Forumia Demon Lawsuit. Neither the Grand Inquisitor Saturninus nor DDN President Divinia, Hand of Dauros could be reached for comment at this moment. The Law Giver's unexpected move has now placed the position of the Inquisition and the DDN of labeling Loralty an "unrepentant Heretic" in serious question. More details will be given as they become available to The Trumpet of Dauros."
Shifty: Delphinia the Just?
Ytfihs: Ya mean that propaganda queen Clarina didn't write this?
Cherik: Which means that she probably doesn't know about this world-shattering event.
Shifty: Which means Eleanor doesn't either... I think this day is starting to pick up a bit.

(Meanwhile back at one particular Fighter's Guild, a Peasant Newsboy tosses a rolled-up paper onto the porch and runs off to the rest of his route.)

Clarina, Holy Reporter: (From inside the Guild) I think that's the Trumpet Eleanor. Can you get it? I need to see what I missed out on. And I need to suit up for the Guildmasters meeting.
Eleanor the Vigilant: (From inside) All right all right... sheesh, I'm the Guildmaster here and *I* have to fetch the paper... (mumbles then she walks out of the Guild, a mug of coffee in hand as she kneels down to pick up the paper. She examines the title, then calls back inside to Clarina) It's The Trumpet all right.
Clarina: (From inside) Well, what's the headline?
Eleanor: (Takes off the rubber band and unrolls the paper, begins to read) "ALLEGED HERETIC ORDAINED BY DAUROS AS AVATAR"...

(There is a stark silence around the Guild for an eternity complete with swirling wind, until it is literally shattered like the mug of coffee that has suddenly slipped from Eleanor's grasp. The camera closes in on the coffee spilling in slow motion like blood... until it soaks onto the porch of the Fighter's Guild. Then the entire world of Ardania, and the Cyberloreans barely avoid a mass heart failure from Eleanor and Clarina's shrieking. Not the usual shrieking of holy wrath, but an entirely new shrieking of holy terror and fear.)

Clarina and Eleanor: AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ 02 August 2002, 06:40 AM: Message edited by: Shifty Coindrop ]
 
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Cooker



Joined: 20 Mar 2000
Posts: 1710

 PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 6:33 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

Tech-Tree, palace
CSA Agent I: Now, proceed with instructions.
CSA Agent II: What’s the instruction?
CSA Agent I: I have forgotten it.
CSA Agent III: Me too.
CSA Agent I: You are supposed to carry it.
CSA Agent III: Yes, I did carry it. (Reach out for pocket, and found nothing.)
CSA Agent I: Huh?
CSA Agent III: I didn’t know where it went, seriously.
CSA Agent II: wholesome, did you remember going to an inn bathroom that happened to have no paper …
All Agents: (Screaming) Noooooo!
CSA Agent I: I have a plan, if the master want us to modify the tree so that elven buildings can not be build, then all we need to do is to chop off the branch with word “elf” on.
CSA Agent II: Good plan
CSA Agent III: Get on.

All three took out their axe, just before they could be able to proceed, the halted.
CSA Agent I: I remember that Agents are not allowed to chop trees, all they can do is to talk and shoot, you know.
CSA Agent II: Yeah. Agents can’t chop
CSA Agent III: So let’s go back and get another copy of the instructions.
Agent I: Good idea.


Cooker’s Semi-Intelligence Agency …

“So that demon wants 100,000 gold. Someone smart enough should be able to get the gold for himself.”
“You meant …”
“Matrix” Music in background
“If by saying he is the sovereign’s mother, a rouge can make the sovereign pay 100,000 gold, then by saying we are the demon’s mother, we can get those gold from the hand of the demon.”
“So what is the plan”?
Music Switched to “James Bond”
“We have got some potion of shape shifting from the north, If we can appear as the demon’s mother when he appears, we can claim the gold from him.”
“Do you recall demons having mothers?”
“No”
“So?”
“Just appear as any demon, you know, they are so stupid that If you say you are their mother, they will believe it.”
“How can you know?”
“Did you watch the show?”
“There is one person who have to cooperate...”
“Who?”
“The sovereign!”
“Why.”
“He just needs to click on us to know who we really are.”
“Well, he might be interested in keeping some of those money, and anyway, what can a demon do with 100,000 gold?”
“Good plan, we just need to make sure 2 things: 1, the potion should not run out in half-way, second, only we, the rouges, and the sovereign should know about it. Now, send Agent IV- somebody bond to the rouges”
“Immediately”


On the way to palace …
Shifty: “I feel being followed.”
Ytfihs: “Me too”.
Suddenly, from around a corner, a shadow appeared
Cherik: “To Arms!”
3 Crossbow, none loaded, points to the shadow.
The shadow approaches, Ninja style (Although slightly dwarvish)
“I am the Man of the Shadow, Somebody Bond, Agent IV of CIS, best agent of Cooker.”
Shifty: “You are too fat for a decent agent anyway, looked more like a dwarf, but anyway, what to the manic has to do with us.”
Somebody Bond: “Heed my voice, now, a great plant has been devised to steal the gold from a Demon”
Ytfihs: “Wait, you mean the 100,000 from 665?”
Somebody Bond: “Precisely, But the Agency do not want to risk itself, if people can Shape shift in and get the gold, you can keep some of it, CIS will provide transport service and equipment.”
Cherik: “Safe the transportation service for later. Equipment I don’t know, Better not be watered down shape shift potion that runs out half way, We might need a Cultist for this, he might give us… the expertise. Now, we need to sit down quietly.”
 
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The Archmage



Joined: 06 Nov 2000
Posts: 1822
Location: Wakarusa, IN; USA

 PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2002 8:03 am    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

The Archmage the Semi-Powerful is sitting in his Wizard Tower Deluxe Special Edition (with metallic, rotating eye included), the TV tuned to CNN Forumia...

Sister Gloom: (at the end of her report) So as I stated before, the Sovereign has called a special meeting of Guildsmasters to discuss the economic condition of Ardania and the impending threat the Demon 665's demand for 100,000 gold.
In other news, Ardania Funland, a newly-build theme park on loan from Roller Coaster Tycoon through the Intergame Exchange Association has been placed next to the palace in hope of raising more revenue for the Sovereign Jay. Lets walk over there.

The scene changes as the camera follow Sister Gloom three feet to where the amusement park, Ardania Funland, has been built. A skeleton follower hands Sister Gloom the mike...

Sister Gloom: As you can see the amusement park is well-loved by the citizens of Ardania. Lets see if we can find a customer... Excuse me, sir! Sir! I'm Sister Gloom from CNN Forumia, and I was wondering if you could talk with us about Ardania Fun-

Peasant Customer #457102: Sorry, lady! Can't talk right now! I've got to ride all the coasters as fast as I can before my wife-

Wife of Peasant Customer #457102: 457102! Get yer sorry luttle [BEEP] over here and fix this [BEEPING] house!! NOOOWWWW!

Potential PeasantCustomer #457102: Yes dear.

The Archmage switches off the TV and stands up.

The Archmage the Semi-Powerful: So, the Sovereign is calling a meeting of Guildmasters. I'm a Guildmaster, aren't I? I have to be, don't I? I'm sure the Sovereign Jay will let me sit in on this meeting. I know that he likes me. Then maybe I'll stop at the Ardania Funland...

[ 03 August 2002, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: The Archmage ]
 
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The Archmage



Joined: 06 Nov 2000
Posts: 1822
Location: Wakarusa, IN; USA

 PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2002 11:11 pm    Post subject: ToF: A Deal with the Demon Reply with quote Back to top

The Archmage the Semi-Powerful is about to walk out of the Wizard Tower Deluxe Special Edition (with metallic, rotating eye included) when he remembers something. Turning around, he walks to a door marked REBF Headquarters. Pushing a button another, smaller metallic rotating eye (probably stolen from the Return of the Jedi) appears and began speaking in a foreign language.
The Archmage: You don't work for Jabba anymore, remember?
Metallic, Rotating Eye: (changing to the Ardanian language) Identify yourself.
Archmage: The Archmage the Semi-Powerful, President of the Resurrect the Easter Bunny Foundation.
Metallic, Rotating Eye: Enter.
The door hisses open and the Archmage walks in. Scattered around the room are scolls, t-shirts, hats, and numerous other REBF merchantise.
The Archmage notices The Petition, a document that when he has enough signatures he will present it to the Sovereign Jay in hope of resurrecting the Easter Bunny, who will inform the Archmage of the location of his spellbook. (For more information on the Easter Bunny and REBF, please read ToF: Free the Slaves.)
The Archmage picks up a few t-shirts, posters, banners, and hats, all marked REBF, and throws them over his shoulder and walks out of the room. When he turns around he was confronted by a dark figured with the name "Demon 665" underneath him.
Archmage: Hello! Would you like a REBF t-shirt? Only 10 gold. Hey, aren't you the demon that is filing a lawsuit over the "Who Wants To Be A Millionare" gameshow?
Demon 665: I am. And you are the Archmage the Semi-Powerful?
Archmage: Yes, I am. The Archmage, President of the Resurrect the Easter Bunny Foundation.
Demon 665: And you want this Easter Bunny resurrected but the Sovereign won't do it?
Archmage: (sadly) Yes I do. He's the only one that can inform me of the location of my spellbook. I was really good with spells you see-"
Demon 665: I can.
Archmage: Can what?
Demon 665: Resurrect the Easter Bunny.
The Archmage looks hopeful.
Archmage: You can?
Demon 665: Yes. For a price.
Archmage: What kind of price?
Demon 665: As you know, I have to find a good lawyer for the lawsuit. So does the Sovereign Jay. And since lawyers cost a lot... I want you to steal the Ardanian Coffers. Without the Coffers, Jay will have to get a cheaper lawyer and then I'll win.
Archmage: What?! Steal the Coffers? I don't think you understand. If I steal the coffers, the Sovereign Jay will get reall mad. I mean really mad. I don't think-"
Demon 665: Only by stealing the Ardanian Coffers will you ever see your spellbook again.
Archmage: (sighing) How?
Demon 665: I believe there's a spell-
Archmage: My spellbooks gone and with it most of the spells. I can't-
Demon 665 gives the Archmage a scroll.
Demon 665: This is change the Ardanian Coffers into a bag of gold. Go and complete your mission and you'll have your reward.
Demon 665 disappears, leaving the Archmage holding the scroll. The Archmage looks up at the title of quest. "Deal with a Demon." What a fitting title...
 
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