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Chronicles of Ardania: Jon and Mike's Story

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 PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2002 7:10 pm    Post subject: Chronicles of Ardania: Jon and Mike's Story Reply with quote Back to top

Ardania in the present is 1450 KA. That makes it the year 2002 in the real world.

In the middle of the Mediterranean..

"Hey, Jon," said Mike, his sailing partner.


"There's too much mist, I can't see where I'm steering. We're gonna crash," said Mike.

"Nonsense," replied Jon.

The boat crashed.

Two bodies are lying on a shore. One of them groaned, got up, and tried to flip the other one over.

"Get up, Jon. I think we're in Massachusetts," Mike said.

Jon batted away Mike's hand. "Shut up, I'm tired," he said. He continued lying face-down in the sand.

A giant ostrich-like creature appeared and started licking Jon's face.

Jon looked up. "Oh..My God!"

Mike sneered. "Idiot, you're Atheist."

Jon crawled hurriedly away from the ostrich-like creature. "This can't be Massachusetts! They don't have ostriches here."

An hour later, we find Jon and Mike riding the ostrich-like creature inland.

"So, you know where we are?" Mike asked. Jon shrugged.

"You are in the magical realm of Ardania and I am taking you to see my Sovereign."

"Did this ostrich thing just talk?" Mike asked. Jon shrugged.

"Yes, I just talked. I'm actually a peasant, Tom, using a shapeshift tincture. Found you guys when I was roaming the shore."

"Now tell me," Mike said. "Why would you be walking around looking like an ostrich?"

"Oss-trich? This is an Ardanian Groundbird. It's for my protection when I roam the wilds."

They arrived at the kingdom shortly after. Jon and Mike jumped off Tom and the peasant transformed himself back to his human self. Damn, he's hideous! Did he transform his face back correctly? Mike thought.

Jon turned towards the kingdom. "Beautiful place!"

A boy about age 11 strolled out of the palace. "Welcome, guests, to Kingdom 9!" the boy said. "I am Darub Nutmeat, the Sovereign."

"You're the Sovereign?" Jon questioned.

"Well, yes," Darub said. "My father died last year. He had too much to drink and was found under a rock golem one morning."

"So, why'd your peasant want to take us to see you?" Jon asked.

"Excuse me?" Darub asked.

Tom said, "Sovereign, you told all us peasants that if were to find foreign people, we were to take them to you so we can question them."

"YOU MEAN THESE AREN'T GUESTS? THESE ARE FOREIGNS?!" Darub went crazy. "Take these two to the dungeons!"

Jon and Mike were thrown into a dungeon by a stocky palace guard. Mike immediately ran towards the heavy door and clung on to the bars. "What did we do wrong?!"

The palace guard peeked in the barred window. "The Sovereign suspects foreign people to be invaders from another kingdom. A cautious boy, he is.. Cares too much of this kingdom..I say he's trying to impress the populace..Bla Bla Bla..." The guard continued mumbling to himself as he walked off.

Mike slumped back and sighed. "What are we to do..?"

Jon shrugged (Do not attempt, Jon is a master at the art of shrugging). "Where can I get myself one of those red plumed helmets?"


Darub is in his gigantic room, cussing. "Foreigns! Have they come from afar to ravage me? I say, I will not fail like my father. Kingdom 9 will prosper!" He walked back and forth across his room. The double doors swung open, a nanny appeared carrying a tray.

"Now, Darub, you know it's your bedtime. Just drink your milk, and I will tuck you in," the nanny said.

"Not now, Nanny! I'm planning on what to do with those foreigns. The future of our kingdom is at stake!"

"Darub, you can question them in the morning, but right now, you really have to go to sleep," Nanny answered.

Darub grabbed the glass of milk and splashed the nanny in the face. "Out, woman!"

Nanny's face was dripping with milk. "Oh!" she yelled and she stormed out of the room. VROOSH!

"I can tuck myself in," Darub said. Then he went to sleep.

[ 06 July 2002, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: Vizzerdrix ]
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 PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2002 12:05 am    Post subject: Chronicles of Ardania: Jon and Mike's Story Reply with quote Back to top

The next morning, Darub woke up and heard loud talking from outside his door.

"What's going on!" he demanded. A group of the sovereign's caretakers were circling around the nanny from last night.

"Soaked? How bad?" They were all asking. An elder man, Darub's teacher, berated the young king. "Darub, that was an extremely rude thing you have done! It was yeti's milk; our nanny stunk the whole night! Every servant in the servants hall rushed out from the smell! Young man, I will be taking away your duck hunting leisure for a week!"

Darub sulked for about an hour until he realized that today he had to question those strangers. So he grabbed his best bud, Bundles the palace guard, and marched to the dungeons.

Jon looked up and excitement smeared his face. "It's the palace guard with the great helmet! Please sir, fill me in on where you got it."

Mike glared at Jon. Then he looked at the king and the palace guard. "We demand to be free. We are not invaders that pose any threat."

"Shut up, I know you're invaders," Darub said.

"Actually no, we're not."

"Oh yes, you are."

"NO, we're not."

Darub looked shocked. "Really? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Bundles, release the two."

The stocky man tore open the heavy wooden door and the two guys slipped away without question.

"(sigh) All this fuss over nothing," Darub said. Then he walked back to the palace.


Jon and Mike stood there speechless. "That was an incredibly stupid incident," Mike managed to say.

The guys walked around Kingdom 9 aweing at the new buildings they saw. They found a structured pile of debris. "Must be rubbish," Jon said. He had to relieve himself so he took a piss on the garbage. They heard curses, shrugged, and continued their way.

Suddenly, a thief approached them. The thief's face was extremely dirty and full of cuts. It looked like he wore the cheapest clothes in the area. "Your gold, fools." He patted his crossbow. "Now."

Jon and Mike stared. All they had with them was animal crackers. Then, something jumped from behind the bushes. The sudden moment saved the two. Mike looked and saw that the thing that appeared was a monk of some sort. The thief look bewildered.

Then the monk kung-fu'ed the thief's ass. He nodded again and disappeared.

"Wow!" Jon exclaimed. They both stared at the bloody carcass on the ground. They looked at each other, shrugged, then started pillaging the thief. They took his bag of gold and his dirty crossbow. Jon pulled off the hood and put it on himself. "Hm, it stinks, but it'll have to do."

In about 15 minutes, we find the two guys wearing shiny armor, carrying heavy weapons, and stocked with various potions. They spent their gold well..

[ 06 July 2002, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: Vizzerdrix ]
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 PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2002 11:06 pm    Post subject: Chronicles of Ardania: Jon and Mike's Story Reply with quote Back to top

A bell toll from the town belfry signaled all heroes to report to the gather house by the palace. The king must have something important to address his warriors.

Jon and Mike followed the ongoing crowd leading to the gathering house. They questioned but got the cold shoulder.

"Guess WE have to go also," Jon said.

The gathering house was packed by every single hero in Kingdom 9. Darub Nutmeat was standing behind the giant podium, patiently waiting until everbody moved in.

The sovereign began. "Hello, everyone. Since you're all here I can begin. how about this. Everybody raise their left hand if they are interested on a dangerous quest to save this kingdom. Wow, all of you. Okay, well, I need as many heroes I can get to invade a kingdom in the Northlands. We have always had a treaty with the Kingdom of the Supreme Fist regarding our trade resources. Unfortunately, the kingdom annuled the trade alliance due to a mishappen a fortnight ago. One of our heroes (a gnome, sigh) visited one of KSF's many inns. By resources from rumor, I have come to find out that the hero...broke a fireplace and burned down the whole building! Without our direct trade, Kingdom 9 will not last! The yeti merchandise shall not be ceased! I need the support of all Kingdom 9's heroes, the plead is now. Keep your hands up if you wish to attend to this invasion. Ah, less than half of you. That will do. But to the rest of you..CRAVENS! Kingdom 9 looks down upon your cowardness!" Darub pounded his fist and his speech ended. There was a clamor in the crowd. Darub began the specific details of the quest. He explained the supplies needed, etc.
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 PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2003 11:09 pm    Post subject: Chronicles of Ardania: Jon and Mike's Story Reply with quote Back to top

Jon punched Mike in the arm. He punched him again.

"OW! Cut it out, Jon."

"You have plate mail armor on, you wuss." Jon punched him again.

"Quit it, will you!....What was Darub talking about again, something about fighting this other kingdom over a trade dispute." Mike patted his bastard sword and his armor (it was enough to match the Warriors of Kingdom 9.) "How about it, Jon. Ardania seems pretty fun, let's get our butts over there."

Jon shrugged then he nodded. By then the meeting was over and heroes poured out from the building. On their way outside, they met a few heroes in a circle chattering.

Jon went up to them. "How y'all doing?"

The heroes gave him blank stares.

"Uhh...heh heh. Yeah...Well, uhh..." Jon pulled out his longbow. "Cedar and Minotaur guts."

The heroes stopped talking and immediately surrounded him.

"Intriguing...Did you say Minotaur guts?" one Ranger said.

"That's a fine bow!" an Elf exclaimed.

"That's worth much gold," said a Rogue.

"Yarrgghhhh..." a Barbarian.

Jon was contented. "Yes, I bought this bow from a special dealership with a merchant in a small alley. Only cost me 5 gold!"

"Say, my fine fellow, what be your name?" the Ranger asked.

Mike saw the oppurtunity and stepped in front of Jon. "The name's Mike! Put 'er there." He tried shaking their hands but it wasn't Ardanian custom.

"Eh, who are you?" asked the Rogue.

"Why, I'm this fine fellow's mentor. And if you like longbows...have a peep here at my sword." Mike slowly pulled his bastard sword from the sheath. "Yeap, this is a GREAT sword. It's name is Muscle. How do you like it, huh? Huh?" Mike smirked.

He recieved more blank stares. A moment of silence passed before the Elf stepped up. "Excuse us sir, but swords like that can be purchased at evey blacksmith in this kingdom. Now if you will pardon me, your friend here has a finer weapon."

The Elf shoved Mike aside and stood next to Jon. The others did the same.

"So, Jon," the Ranger said."What do you think about the quest to the Kingdom of the Supreme Fist?" The other heroes listened eagerly, they really liked Jon.

"Well my friend Mike suggested we should go there. I was thinking the same. We could make a lot of reward gold and the idea of adventure sounds great to me."

Everybody nodded in agreement. Just then, the Sovereign came up to them.

"Oh, it's you two," he said. "How are you fairing?"

Jon and Mike shrugged.

"Well, on to business," Darub said. "If you are all going on my quest, then you need to fill out these forms. Here." He passed around parchments and a quill. Everybody signed it and he grabbed the parchments and was off.

"Well Jon, looks like we've got ourselves some adventure," said the Rogue.

They too were off. Poor Mike trailed behind.
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