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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 226

 PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

When Lurn awoke again, he was much less disoriented than the first time, for Fervus was with him this time. Fervus had a goal, and Lurn was his tool. And a handily placed one, too, thought Fervus, the divine entity. Fervus had only recently been programmed with an AI, but Seth Spaulding had made it smart.

Cautious, he pretended to be unconscious still, while the Magma Troopers dragged him across more metal flooring.

He started mumbling words of magic. The Troopers simply thought it was groaning as he was reawakening.

Then green light exploded around the Troopers. Instantaneously, their uniforms were turned into bright pink panda suits.

The panda suits had no air holes, and the Troopers suffocated as they tried to tear them off.

Lurn stood. Fervus decided to let him wander around until he found the Star Destructer's power core.

I wonder why I don't know where the power core is, already? I'm a divine entity, after all, wondered Fervus, curiously.
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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Joined: 22 Jan 2001
Posts: 2579
Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*The Magma Troopers arrive at the second floor of the Lounge. After checking the area, the Troopers report that the place seems deserted except for a locked door marked "Control Room".*
MT Captain: Well then, flame it to -bleep-!
Magma Trooper: -Bleep- yeah!
*They lift their flamethrowers, but just as they do so the door opens.*
Yuan: Stop! We surrender!
Magma Troopers: -Bleep-! It's some kind of -bleep-ing alien freak!
MT Captain: Yeah, I've seen some sights in my day, but blue skin is just -bleep-ing unnatural.
Yuan: *sniffs* Then I take it you're declining our special offer?
MT Captain: Special offer? You have a -bleep-ing special offer?
Yuan: Why, yes. The Dance of the Conquerer, free for any who manage to breach our defenses. It's an ancient Elven custom.
MT Captain: Whadda we look like, -bleep-ing school-girls? We ain't got time for dancing!
Yuan: Not even by Veri Voluptuous, the greatest cabaret girl on our planet?
*The Elflord stands aside to reveal Veri in her performing costume. The Magma Troopers suddenly go slack -- several removing their helmets for a better view.*
MT Captain: *reverently* Great -bleep-s of the Dark Side!
Yuan: Precisely. Now, if you'll all come down to the first floor where our stage is ... ?
*Ten minutes later, all the Magma Troopers are sprawled on the floor, except for one who stands staring limply at the stage, drool slowly dribbling out of his air exchanger.*
Yuan: Thank you, Veri. I beieve you really out-did yourself this time.
Veri: Thank you.
Gear: *looking out a window* Where are we?
Youkai D: *appearing out of no-where* In the Doom Sphere.]
Tenba: What in the name of trading cards is a "Doom Sphere"?
Youkai: If you'd do your job instead of playing with those dog-eared excuses for collector's items, you'd know. It is the duty of every ninja -
Kitsune: Oh boy. Here we go again.
Yuan: *interrupting Youkai before he can begin lecturing* I take it we're on this "Doom Sphere"?
Youkai: Inside of it. It seems to be a giant space station, and the centre of an invasion of Forumnia by a force known only as "the Empire".
Yuan: Hmm. Will this be good or bad for Bluestar Enterprises, do you think?
Youkai: Bad. I heard that, once fully operational, the Doom Sphere will torch the Maj.exe file, completely obliterating Ardania from the computer's memory.
Kitsune: Now he tells us. Rolling Eyes
*The Elves stand staring at each other for a few minutes. Then Gear cracks his knuckles.*
Gear: We'd better get cracking then.
Yuan: And just how, Gear, do you propose to stop this?
Gear: If I can get to this thing's main control panel, I can probably figure out how it works and shut it down.
Yuan: *considering* And then ... we can dismantle it for our own uses. Good. All right. Triad, escort Gear to the control room. I, Gear, and Veri will try to find a way out of this ... Sphere.
Tenba: And just how are we supposed to find this control room? *Kitsune holds up a map she just removed from the Captain's uniform, which, thanks to the Henchman Disposal System, is now an item.*
Kitsune: Exquisite. *She is suddenly covered in the red armour.*
Yuan: *shaking his head* Tch tch tch. Henchmen dropping items. What is the world coming to?
Youkai: This is demeaning. *Stares distastely at the item boxes appearing the Magma Troopers' bodies disappear.* Ninja do not require disguises, and thus, do not wear them.
Kitsune: Oh, come on!
Yuan: Supposing I were to order you to put one on?
Youkai: That would put me in a Catch-22 situation. Disguising myself is against the way of the ninja. Disobeying my master is against the way of the ninja. Thus, I would have no choice but to commit seppuku.
Gear: Ah, for the love of -- just put it on, but not as a disguise.
Yuan: *snaps his fingers as an elegant blue lamp appears above his head* But of course! I hereby declare this day to be the Annual Bluestar Masquerade Ball! We must all wear costumes!. Exquisite. *Dons a Magma Trooper uniform himself.*
Youkai: I stand in awe of your great intellect, master. Exquisite.
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 226

 PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Lurn ran into another patrol of Troopers, and again, Fervus gave him an interesting spell to try. The Troopers, this time, turned into chickens. Bright green, luminescent chickens, of course.

Wandering the empty corridors of the Star Destructer (Why aren't there any security systems? thought Lurn, after all, Cooker's space vessels almost always do), Lurn finally found a door marked in big letters 'Power Core'.

Below were instructions to destroy the power core and make the ship explode.

"(1)Press big red button, conviently located right in front of the power core.
(2)Wait for the count-down to finish (or, if you prefer, take the left corridor, then right, and then the right again, to access an escape pod).
(3)Watch Star Destructer explode.
Warning: Shockwave may send escape pod crashing into a nearby planet. There will be no actual permanent harm to the user, however. Further instructions in the escape pod will explain how to leave the planet."

Shrugging, Lurn decided to destroy the Star Destructer.

Excellent, thought Fervus. No persausion required.
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 226

 PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Lurn opened the door to the power core. As the sign said, a large red button stood in front of him. The button was on a stand. Incomprehensible lights flashed around the button.

Behind the stand with the button was a cylindrical, vertical beam of glowing energy. Hmm . . . this is most likely the power core. After all, what else could a huge energy cylinder in the middle of a huge starship be?

Walking forward, he pressed the button. Red lights flashed around the room, and unbearably loud sirens blared.

"Power core destruction count-down: Ten . . ." shouted a metallic voice.

Lurn ran out of the room, and into the left corridor. "Nine . . ." As the instructions had said, he took the right door, and the right again. "Eight . . ."

He entered a large room with rows of spherical pods in it. "Seven . . . There were open doors on the pods.

"Six . . . "

Climbing into a pod, Lurn saw a chair, a blue button, and more instructions within. They said:

"To use escape pod:
1)Press blue button above.
2)Wait for crash landing on planet.
Thank you, and have a good day."

Pressing the blue button, the door closed on the pod. As it did so, he heard the metallic voice say, "Five . . . "

Lurn felt acceleration as his pod shot out of the escape pod bay.


"Lord Fuego . . . " a Magma Trooper Sergeant addressed Darth Fuego, ". . . your Star Destructer has imploded."

"Fool! Why did you allow this to happen?" demanded Fuego.

"I -- I didn't. I wasn't there. If -- if I had, I'd be dead."

"Nonsense! It was you. You will die, you insubordinate fool!"

The MT Sergeant flew backwards, hitting a dead tree.

The Sergeant was dead. "Excellent." Fuego waved to a group of Magma Troopers. "Keep killing those trees. It will strike fear in my pitiful enemies, to have their stupid forests ruined."

Fuego laughed evilly.
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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Joined: 27 Apr 2003
Posts: 600
Location: Harrisburg,PA

 PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(Darth Feugo starts to tap his foot, impatiant.)
Darth Feugo: Where is that pig faced scoundrel!?
Galen: That was not very nice.
Darth Feugo: I am a flamer. I call people names, you blobering IDIOT!
Concus: Never mind him. (Looking at the army of the EDDNA and the Flame troopers.) We can't wait for this wizard. By now the DDN must be aware of the destruction of their outpost.
Bob: How? No one made it out.
Darth Feugo: I wouldn't be so sure of that...
Concus: What happened?
Darth Feugo: Nothing that is any concern of yours.
Concus: Well... can we atleast move the troops to a new location? We need to start planning our next assault.
Bob: For a Fervus lover, he is smart.
Veti: Hold your tongue!
Bob: (Drawing his bone dagger) Is that a challenge, Fervus lover?
Veti: I could kill you so easily!
Bob: Then lets fight, mister dances with vargs!
Veti: You filthy...
Clare: (Interupting) Boys, I can't have this family at war with itself.
Darth Feugo: You are strong in the Flaming... I sense the burn all around you.
Bob: (Bows) You are a very wise man, not to cross me.
Darth Feugo: To hot headed...
Concus: Lets move into the woods! (Army follows)
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 226

 PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Lurn was very disoriented during his spiraling flight back towards Ardania. Surprisingly, he did not fall unconscious. In less than a minute, he would have seen ground, had there been windows on the escape pod.

The pod crashed to the ground, quite coincedentally in front of the Darth Fuego and the Insane family. Climbing out of the wreckage (with only a few scrapes that looked strangely like smeared ketchup), he said, "Hey, I remember you. You were fighting on Borjin's side during the siege (see ToF: The Siege); with all those mechanical penguins. Or were they demonic? I forget." He points at Darth Fuego. "Anyway, is this the evil overlord trying to invade Ardania?"

Darth Fuego nods. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, though please refer to me as a Sith. See, here's my Plasma Sword. Anyway, I think it's my duty to try to kill you and then let you escape, now. I don't suppose you have a Plasma Sword, do you?"

"Ah, no, but I can conjure one right away," replied Lurn. "I'm a wizard, you know. Pretty obvious, considering the cloak, staff, and other accessories."

He raised his staff, it glowed blue, then transformed into a Plasma Sword exactly like Darth Fuego's.

Darth Fuego shook his head. "No, no, it has to be blue or green, not red, like mine. You're on the side of good, remember?"

"I like red. Red's my favorite color. Thus, I think I'll keep it red," said Lurn.

"Oh, very well. This episode is already rediculous," replied Fuego. "En garde -- er, you will die!"

Fuego and Lurn circled, and then Fuego lunged, and -- his Plasma Sword turned into an orange.

"Arrgh! Why did you do that? It wasn't very dramatic at all," Fuego said. "I'm getting really annoyed, Magma Troopers. It's not how the plot's supposed to go, but just incinerate him for me, will you?"

"Yes, master," said the Magma Troopers in unison. They stumbled over each other and flamed themselves, as Lurn disappeared with a white flash.

As Lurn did so, he fell unconscious.
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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