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Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*The counter-strike force continues to advance. Any Penguins that draw too near are cut down by invisible strokes from kayt's blade, while Elves are blasted from their paths by Power Shocks from Edwina, Justine, and Annette.*
Concus: Get ready!
Bob: I'm always ready.
*Kayt spots them.*
Kayt: The Insane family? I thought the Inquisition got rid of them.
Annette: Apparently not.
Kayt: It figures. Never leave a Monk to do a Paladin's job. Ready, charge!
All four: DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE, PERVEEEEERTS! *Charge the Insane family.*
Loud Voice #1: Yeah, die, you -bleep-ing perverts![/b] *The Guantlet appears over the oncoming Paladins. Quickly they are bestowed with Vigilance, Blessing, and Stoneskin, as well as renewing their Anti-Magic shield and giving them Invisibility.*
Concus: Invisibility? How are we supposed to fight what we can't see?
Bob: Listen for their voices?
Veti: Actually, due to Majesty programming, we just can't attack them. Period.
Galen: But they can attack us, right?
Kayt: Right, pervert.
Galen: Play ... nice ... *Collapses.*
Clare: My baby! *Starts waving her sword around wildly.*
Bob: Watch it! - *Hack. Choke. Cough.*
Annette: Take that, heretic.
Clare: Die, you freaks!
Concus: Command, get rid of all Jay's Wizard Towers in the area!
EGC: We're on it.
LV #1: Got you there, fools! My Wizard Towers - *scrolls down the screen* - are gone? WHAT THE -BLEEP- ARE THOSE?![I]
Loud Voice #2: Giant Killer Penguins. Neat, uh? I -

LV #2: Hey, I just down-loaded SULPGE. It was Borjin that commissioned the Penguins.
LV #1: SETH!!!!
LV #2: Now, calm down ... Jay ... did you take your medicatio-

*Sounds of crashing and smashing from beyond the monitor. Meanwhile, The remnant of the Insane family has fallen back to the main gate of the walls.*
Concus: All right, Veti. It's just you and me.
Veti: Um, you do realize that Mom and my brothers were Reanimated, right?
Concus: Yes, but they're lost in that sea of Giant Killer Penguins.
Kayt: Now is your time to die. Prepare yourselves, perverts.
*Suddenly the air shimmers and the four Paladins appear.*
Veti: ha! Now we can counter-attack!
Edwina: Counter-attack nothing. Energies of Light! *Shields flicker up around the Paladins.*
Veti: *ulp*
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:16 pm    Post subject: Prepare for apocalypse Reply with quote Back to top

Forumnia, wizard guild, inside giant concrete donkey

Cooker and Nobody sat at the controls, staring at useless lights flashing on and off, like toys of James Bond Villains. (Well, how can you have anything giant without uselessly flashing lights?)

Ensign one: “Powering up reactors”
Ensign two: “Initiating main engine sequence”

Motivational speaker: “Today, we witness the dawning of a new age, Today, we celebrate the work of those who bring progress, Today, gulp …”
A random console explodes and kills the motivational speaker.

Cooker: “Why concrete donkey?”
Apprentice wizard: “Err, because my student edition CAD does not permit movable parts.”
Cooker: “That explain it, but a flying concrete donkey beats a walking wooden mule, I guess.”
Apprentice wizard: “Indeed, You know I wrote an AI for this thing based on IXMIL.”
Cooker: “You can always ask for extra credits.”

Ensign one: “Hyperspace coordinate locked in …”
Ensign two: “Hyperspace jump initiating.”
Computer / Concrete donkey *giant, booming voice* “Stand by for hyperspace transit.”

Over The battlefield

A giant teleport portal opens …
Portal *muffled booming voice* “Hyperspace jump complete”
A gigantic concrete donkey slide out of the portal

Amplified voice of cooker: “Prepare for apocalypse.”
Everyone "Bleep!"
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Veti: Pretty... Bright... Lights....
Concus: (Bleep!)!
(Borjin runs to the top of the gate)
Borjin: My beautiful attack force! (Bleep!) you to Fluffy's Slave Pits! (Borjin pulls out a bow and arrow.) This one is for your head, Kayt! (Borjin fires the arrow. The arrow lands in her heel.) I knew I should have trained harder...
Kayt: How did you know my heel was my weak spot... you sick...(Collapses.)
Anette: Without Kayt, we aren't invisible anymore!
EGC: Concus? Can you hear me? The Lightning Storms are back up again, but they will only last a few minutes... and they are only in range of about half of that wave. Our elves are now working on the Ressurect spell. Over and out.
Lead Elf: My men and I will help the penguins as much as possible. (The super soldiers run into battle just as the Lightning storms let loose, killing Annette and Edwina amediattly.)

(The screen shifts back to the DDN outpost. Moments before.)
Head Paladin: Women, this is it! Last wave go. (Thousands of Paladins and Monks are seen as far as the eye can see.) You are all we have left... They say this day would never come... what do we say to those now?
Paladin: That the day has come?
HP: That's not the point, you are 50% of the DDN in the Northern Reaches.... you are the finest men and women out there. You must hold until Trog and Cooker's device arive. Time to kill some pervert!
(The scene shifts back to the battle at hand.)
EGC: Concus, we have tapped into Soveriegn Jay's computer.... we have the ressurection spell. We also tapped into his screen for a few minutes. The DDN have amassed in the thousands... I dare not tell Borjin, but the Keep is doomed. Jay still has a weapon of mass destruction... or atleast that is what I heard said at the DDN Outpost. That and Veri's husband is coming. What should I do?
Concus: My old friend Borjin is lost to love.... let him die. I will fight, but only till I see it fit that enough DDN have been killed. Resurrect my family, then meet me, with our men, at the front gate. I have plans for this area...
(The screen shifts back to Borjin, he is now in the tower where Veri resides.)
Borjin: Have you come to your senses my love? Trog has not showed up yet, and there is no reason for me to dout that my Keep and its army can outlast and destroy the DDN.
Veri: Trog will come. And when he does... this Keep will burn to the ground! (Veri spits on Borjin.)
Borjin: Ah! A kiss with no lips!? I return the love. (Borjin pukers up. Veri puts a dead fish in front of Borjins closed eyes. Borjin passionatly kisses said fish.) Was that as good for you as it was for me, baby? (Veri slaps him with the fish.)
Veri: Go (Bleep!) yourself!
Borjin: The love is mutual! (Borjin leaves the tower.)
(A donkey drops from the sky.)
Everyone: (Bleep!)!
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(Inside the Palace. Part of the wall collapses as Eleanor, Clarina, and DragonW.)

DragonW: I've been meening to ask you guys this. Is Praise Dauros a documentary on the Daurosian inquisition.
Clarina: Sweety, that pervert, Shifty, set up a hidden camera in our locker rooms.
DragonW: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Lightning storm is convienently cast in the backround. * THOSE PERVERTS!!!!!!! NO ONE LOOKS AT MY WIFE NAKED!!!!!! NOT EVEN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *under his breath* {Bleep}in' chasity oath.
Eleanor: We got to keep moving. Peasent's will arrive any minute and now that we are attacking this building, we won't be able to stop our selves from attacking any random peasent.

*They run through passages and arrive at the premiere of Praise Dauros and Blessings to the Pheonix DX All are at a total lost of words. Rage of Dauros appears over their heads (a flaming gavel) A loud sound of "Bleep" is heard as a giant concrete donkey crashes into the ground. Eleanor, Clarina, and DragonW are unaffected*

(Scene cuts to South Africa in the real world. )

An earth shattering "PERVERTS" is heard.
You're making us angry, Precious. You want like us when we're angry.
- Smeagol
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Shift to an Elven Lounge, Managers' suite. Yuan ushers in the Three Rogues.
Yuan: Welcome to the Don Yuan Lounge of Borjin's Keep, gentlemen. This is where we'll be having our executive meeting. Your guests can occupy themselves with the ... facilities here while we discuss business. Please be seated. *Waves at pneumatic swivel chairs with blue velvet cushions ringed around a table.*
Shifty: You know, pneumatic chairs might not -
Cherik: Blue velvet pneumatic swivel chairs? *Instantly collapses into one, and the room is filled with sounds of Ssssssst, ssssssst. Yuan raises an eyebrow at Cherik's blissful expression.*
Ytfihs: Don't mind 'im. It's one of 'is last remaining pleasures.
Yuan: I understand. He was Lost Veegas Guildmaster for a time, wasn't he? The shock of the *shudder* Renewal must have hit him hard.
Shifty: Actually, it goes back slightly before that. Anyway, what busi-
Cooker's Amplified Voice: Prepare for Apocalypse!
*The four freeze -- even Cherik is driven out of his happy place by the sound of the dreaded voice.*
Shifty: Oh gods, no ...
Ytfihs: We just got out of the Temple to Agrela!
Cherk: *whimpers*
Yuan: *pale* This might call for a change in plans. *Pulls out his cell phone.* Youkai? Get down to the Don Yuan Lounge right away. Yes, I know; Cooker's arrival changes everything. No, I don't want the Triad to try to take him out; just get down here so we can activate Protocal C. *Puts the phone away.*
Ytfihs: Protocal C? What's Protocal C?
Cherik: And who's Youkai?
Yuan: Youkai is the head of the Triad. As for Protocal C ... well, let's just say that the Don Yuan Lounge Company is prepared for any and all emergencies.
*Outside, the battle was shifted yet again. A CCN-A Newsflash warning appears on the screen, then fades to show Sister gloom. Behind her, the Penguins are being scattered by a ginat heat ray emanating from the Concrete Donkey's mouth.*
Sister Gloom: This is Sister gloom, reporting live from outside Borjin's Keep. After the DDN army was decimated by a horde of rabid Giant Penguins, the Sovereign's forces seemed to have lost this round of the seige. However, the arrival of a massive flying concrete donkey, suspected to be designed by Cooker, has completely changed that. *Camera shifts briefly to show scatter lasers bursting from the WMD's ear turrets, frying scores of Penguins per minute.* Now that the Penguins have been scattered, the reserve forces are moving up. We take you to the newly constructed Temple to Krolm - *screen blurs as Sister Gloom activates her teleportation amulet; scene than focuses on the ugly face of a one-eyed Barbarian wearing a steel hockey mask* - where we have arranged an interview with Ulaf the One-Eyed. Ulaf?
Ulaf: Horde has come to rescue Veri Voluptu- Volu- Volchews, bride of Trog. Trog good friend of Ulaf; great warrior. Back in the days of the Hockey Wars -
Sister Gloom: *smoothing interrupting* I see that you are wearing hockey gear now. *Scene shifts to show Ulaf in full gear, with hardened leather chestplate, arm-guards, and shin-guards. He is holding a serrated hockey stick in one hand and a razor-edged hockey puck in the other.* I thought that hockey had been banned by the Interclan Disarmament Treaty as a Weapon of Mass Destruction? *Ulaf shrugs.*
Ulaf: Elf use WMD; Horde use WMD.
Sister Gloom: I see. You do realize that this "WMD" is the same Veri Voluptuous that you are here to rescue?
Ulaf: *waves hockey stick angrily* Lies! Propa-pa- lies by King Jay! Horde free Veri!
*Little flame symbol appears over Ulaf's head, and he dashes off, trailing after-images. Camera focuses on Sister Gloom's impassive face.*
Sister Gloom: This has been Sister Gloom, reporting for CNN-A.
*Meanwhile, the Triad has arrived at the Don Yuan Lounge. Yuan picks up a microphone and addresses the packed room.*
Yuan: Sorry for the inconvenience, but a Cooker death machine has been detected in the vicinity. We are now evacuating the Keep. All Don Yuan and Bluestar Palntation staff, please report to the Lounge immediately. Those of you who have reason not to want ot be captured by the DDN are welcome to come along. We have lift-off in five seconds.
TaleSpinner: Lift-off? Can I play Sovereign's Wheel then?
Yuan: I'm afraid not. You see, the Lounge isn/'t equipped with Sovereign Wheels, and after lift-off we won't be able to access the Keep's Gambling Halls.
TaleSpinner: Awww ...
Shifty: Just what do you mean, anyway, "lift-off"?
Yuan: *smiles* Protocal C. Youkai, demonstrate.
Youkai: *flips open his cell phone and pushes a bottun* There.
Ytfihs: Protocal C is a telephone call?
Kitsune: Hel-lo! this is Don Yuan we're talking about! The Lounge is equipped with rocket boosters!
Cherik: *nervously* Rocket Boosters?
Yuan: Capable of sub-orbital flight. No worries; it's been done before. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to activity the Protocal Corollary.
Rattensford: Pardon?
Yuan: You didn't think I was going to let my Vacation Scam go to waste, did you? The Corollary is a special function for this particular Don Yuan Lounge. The Keep's North-Northwest Tower is connected to the Lounge's control panel. Once the Corollary activates its thrusters, the NNW Tower will detach, bringing with it all my honeymoon captives and my executive suite. Once we're in transit, the two will connect - *The Lounges starts humming.*
TaleSpinner: *looks out a window* Cor! We're flying!
Shifty: What? No ear-shattering explosions?
Yuan: Not with our sound-proofing system. The Lounge also incorporates its own defense system and shield generator. Just relax, gentlemen. We'll stay in orbit until the next Quest, when things have cooled down. In the meantime, have some creme de menthe.
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Cooker: “This is donkey leader, donkeys, please come in …”
Nobody: “There are more then one donkeys?”
Cooker: “Dead on!”
*Two more giant concrete donkey appear out of teleports*
Demon 666: “This is donkey 2 to donkey leader, we are preparing to engage, repeat, preparing to advance.”
Cooker “Negative donkey two, stop repeating, repeat, stop repeating”
Demon 665: “This is donkey 3, we are providing close ground support *static* for barbarian horde *static* *loud explosion* we are under fire, mayday, mayday.”
Cooker saw donkey 3 slowly descend into a suburb near Bojin’s keep in a shower of spark and smoke. The donkey finally crashed into a royal garden in a gigantic green explosion.

Barbarian horde: “Run for the hills!”
Motivational speaker “Heroes, fear them not, you know the long ears are more afraid of you then you are afraid of them! Let your battle cry put fear into the heart of your enemy’s arrrg.”
The motivational speaker was promptly slew by random elf defender, which was clubbed to oblivion shortly after.

Dwarves in black begin to fire crossbow from the remaining concrete donkeys, causing massive casualties among defenders.

Ensign 1: “Incoming communication.”
Cooker: “On screen”
Bojin Hood “Go back to the abyss, go back to the nothingness that await you and your master, go!”
Cooker “This is my hour!”
Bojin Hood “This is really cliché.”
Cooker “Yeah, it is, in more then one way. I can make this more cliché by parking one of those outside your keep. I know you can’t resist taking it in.”
Bojin Hood “Fat chance.”
Cooker “In fact, because this entire show is a huge rip-off, you can’t do anything besides taking it in if I park one of those outside your keep.”
Bojin Hood “Why me, why me” *static*

Random Heroic defender “I see in your eyes the same fear that takes the heart of me.”
Random nearby elf “There may be one day when courage of elf fails, and we forsake all trace of elf-ness.”
Third random elf “But it’s not this day, this day, we fight!”
All three elf charged barbarian horde and were clubbed to oblivion in seconds.
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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Insane Family and the group of elves that were formally placed in the gaurd houses are outside the maingate.)
Concus: You all must be wondering what you are doing here.
EGC: Can we atleast introduce ourselves. I am Laggish Proudfoot. Just call me Lag. And this here elf, the only one that would follow me, is my son, Lag jr.
Lag jr.: What are we doing here?
Galen: Yea, shouldn't we help defeat the remains of the DDN, the Horde of Barbarians, and Cookers Donkeys?
Concus: From what I have seen, the DDN retreats. As for the Horde... I was in the Hockey Wars....(A small tear rolls down the side of his face.) And as for Cooker... he is about as insane as we are... if not more. Nothing can stop him. And for what we are doing here? Leaving Borjin to his own demize. Loss is inevitable for him now. But we still have hope. The plan is for us to leave this place and find where the EDDN army is located. In its weakened state, the DDN has no chance.
Lag: I brought my laptop with me. I could....
The Insane Family: A laptop?
Lag: Nevermind what it is, just know it is very advanced. I could hack into Jay's computer again, and find the position of the army. Shall I procede?
Clare: Of course you should!
Lag jr.: Use the laptop, daddy! Use it, use it! When your done, can I whatch the live broadcast of Praise Dauros?
Bob: You really are perverts!
Lag: Don't mind my son. He's just a horny little teenager.
Lag jr.: I take offense to that.
Lag: Sure you do boy. May I hack Jay's system now?
Veti: While you're in there... could you check if there are any mods to this game?
Lag: (Types away) There is a mod in developement for ourkind... just not for this game. It would take you to a place called Azeroth.
Veti: Just checking.
(Five minutes goes by, the noise of war only gets louder.)
Lag: I'm in! (Looks at the screen.) It seems we are positioned twenty miles from where they are being held. I could print out a map of Forumnia.
Concus: Do it and let's move out.
(Lag prints a copy of the map.)

LV#1: Who the (Bleep!) is in my computer! Seth! Are you adding some other (Bleep!)ed up program!?
Lag: One last touch. (Presses a button.)
Bob: What did you do?
Lag: I put a harsh message about Jay's mother.
LV#1: Who put this (Bleep!)in message on the (Bleep!)in screen!? That's it! Take this you (Bleep!) bags! (Words "KROM!!!" can be heard coming from the battlefield.)
Galen: He used Wrath of Krom!
Veti: Look! Dumb(Bleep!) said something smart!
Concus: We have to get going... Now!
Lag jr: Sorry.
(The group runs off in the distance.)
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 10:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Day 3
(The Insane family and the Lags are seen running over a hill.)
Lag: We are close to where the EDDNA army is being kept.
Galen: Your map says we are within thirty miles of Lost Veegas!
Lag jr: Your point is?
Galen: Well I was going to say that I had been there before, but since you were so mean...
Lag: Getting back to the point. This is one of those "top notch security" prisons.
Bob: Can you hack into it?
Lag: No, but I can hack Jay's computer. From there, I will use my screen to look at the prison and destroy it. I have about three to five minutes before Jay realizes he has been hacked. Shall I procede?
Clare: Of course.
Lag jr: Hack it, daddy, hack it!
Lag: I am, I am. (After two minutes of pressing buttons and intensly staring at the screen, Lag shuts his laptop, which is promtly followed by a nearby explosion. Lag points in the direction of the explosion.) Right this way.
(The group move until they see the EDDNA army fighting local gaurds and DDN members.)
Concus: Quickly! We must aid them. (Concus leads them to the aid of the EDDNA. After four minutes of nonstop fighting, the EDDNA rises victorious with no casualties whatsoever.) EDDNA! It is I, Concus Insane, your leader!
EDDNA army: All Hail Concus!
Galen: Grandpa has a large following.
Concus: The DDN is weak from recent losses. It is our time to defeat them! We must head to out Hellfire mountain base, where we shall round up and recruit EDDNA members. After a two days, we will head to the ruins, formally known as Borjin's Keep, and recruit all elf survivors!
EDDNA army: All Hail Concus!
Concus: A moment of silence for Borjin! (Everyone bows their heads.) Now move out!
(The scene shifts back to the battlefield. Cooker has parker the two remaining concrete donkeys outside of Borjin's gates.)
Cooker: Let one in, get the other in free!
Borjin: I don't know if I can trust you, you are the enemy...
Cooker: What does your heart tell you?
Borjin: I shall let you in. (Borjin lets the donkeys in.)
Cooker: That wasn't so hard. Now (speaking into a micxrophone.) Attack! (The sides of each donkey open up, revealing an army.)
Borjin: (Bleep!)!
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

An elf commander started as he saw the army marching out of the concrete donkeys. "Demonic Penguin Squad 254, charge!"

One of the remaining penguin squads waddled towards the army unloading from the concrete donkeys. The squad was only five-hundred penguins, but enough to hold off the donkey-soldiers for a time. Each donkey-soldier was a mechanical humanoid, but riding on an actual live donkey.

The real donkeys started to run in fear of the demonic penguin squad. The mechanical soldiers jumped off their fleeing mounts, and charged at the penguins. It was a pitched battle for a few minutes, but soon the penguins began falling back.

The elf commander was trampled by the fleeing donkeys, and the penguin squad lost all coordination. The mechanical soldiers sliced the remaining penguins into bite sized pieces, and then started invading Borjin's central keep.


As that was occuring, Lurn decided to come in to 'help'. He meant to help, of course, it just didn't turn out that way.

He teleported into the middle of the remaining penguin army, and started off with a plain old meteor storm. That killed many, but Lurn soon found a better way.

He started making more penguins, telling them to attack the other penguins. They did so, but soon he couldn't control all of them, so he simply let them run around.

At first, that wasn't bad. The penguins Lurn summoned just continued eating the SULPGE ones, but after they ran out of those, they started attacking the next nearest food source: DDN Paladins and monks.

Ooops . . . he thought. That wasn't a good idea.

"No, no! Don't attack them! No, you stupid demon penguins! Stop!" Lurn screamed. A few did, but most just kept coming.

"Stop, stop! Stupid, stupid penguins!" At that point, a lagging Lurn-summoned penguin trampled him, and he fell unconscious.
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Shift scene to the Don Yuan Lounge, which is nearly a mile above the ground and climbing. Nearby, the North-Northwest Tower also hovers. Yuan is sitting before a large monitor, while another Elf is at the control panel. Shifty, as Prime Honoured Guest, is also in the control room.*
Yuan: We're high enough now; initiate docking sequence.
Techelf: *pushes a series of buttons* Docking sequence initiated.
*The two flying buildings begin gravitating towards each other. When they're within ten feet of each other, a long mithril tube shoots out from one of the tower's doors and locks into place at the Lounge's front entrance.*
Yuan: There. All done.
Shifty: *whistles* Pretty slick, Mister Bluestar. How did you install all of that? We had a bloody hard time getting the sentry guns for our Guild; that Cooker maniac has a monopoly on just about every technology in the computer.
Yuan: As to that, my dear Guildmaster: meet Gearmusic Shift, President of the Elven Counter-Cooker Research Association.
Techelf/Gearmusic: The pleasure is all mine. Please, call me Gear.
Shifty: Elven Counter-Cooker Research, huh? Is that another subsidy of Bluestar Enterprises?
Gear: Sort of. Cooker had cornered the market, so we were about to go broke, when Yuan agreed to fund us. He thought it a good idea to have an alternate source of high-tech applications outside of Cooker.
Shifty: Amen to that.
Yuan: Hmmm. Look at this. *Gear and Shifty walk over to the monitor, which is focused on the Keep below.*
Shifty: Great Googly Moogly! What is that?
*"That" is a gaping portal of swirling green energies. Every once in a while, a puff of green smoke wisps out, nauseating anybody who gets near it. Anybody, that is, except for the monstrous Penguins, who are pouring out of the portal into a swirling maelstrom of Paladins; mechanical Donkey Soldiers; geared-up, RoKed Barbarians; and Elven Defenders.*
Gear: It looks like total Chaos down there!
Yuan: Not here, though: three miles and climbing. I hope you enjoy your first trip to sub-orbital space, Guildmaster.
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(A final clank indicates that the merging of the NNW tower and the Lounge was complete.)

TaleSpinner: Corr! That's amazing!
Yuan: (beaming) Finally! Alright gentlemen, if you could excuse me, I'd want to check on the status of our honeymoon captives.

(The elf presses a little button on a nearby control panel. The front door of the Lounge attempts to slide open, but jams instead.)

Yuan: (frowns) How embarrassing. I assure you, gentlemen, that this does not happen regularly.
Shifty: (rogue-sense tingling like spider-sense) Umm.. Yuan, perhaps you shouldn't open that door right no-
TaleSpinner: (happily) I'll help! (reaches towards the door before any of the rogues can stop him and yanks it open)

(Four elven guards in wide-eyed pain collapse through the door. Their convulsive motions and cringing postures are all horribly familiar signs of-)

Rogues & Ratmen: (horrified) Eleanor's Rage!

(beyond the doors stand Veri Voluptuous (wielding a table-leg as a make-shift club) and a whole horde of very angry-looking wives. Sister Mew stands next to her, looking somewhat bemused.)

Veri: (tapping club in one hand) Prepare to die, scum bags!
Yuan: (frantically flips open cell-phone) The prisoners have escaped! The prisoners have- -bleep!- it! HELLLPP!!
Horde of angry wives: DIE PERVERTS!!! (they charge into the lounge)
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Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Cue frantic chase music. Yuan, the Three Rogues, and TaleSpinner dash out of the Lounge's front parlour, followed by the horde of newly married women.*
Yuan: *frantically yelling, having dropped his cell in the first rush* First Degree Lockdown! Somebody!
Shifty: Lockdown?
Yuan: Last-ditch security measure - *Iron door slams down, sealing off the Lounge's front front.*
Rattensford: I fear, Comrades, that that will not hold them.
Ytfihs: Take it from us, Mister Yuan; we know.
*Loud bangs can be heard. The door bulges inward, as though a battering ram were behind it. A 600 hundred horsepower battering ram.*
Yuan: Quick, up the stairs! And -- Third Degree Lockdown!
*They dash through into the second floor hallway just as a titanium door slams shut behind them.* There. That should hold them.
Shifty: I don't know about this ...
*There is a crash and an explosion. Then an ominous silence falls. then all the heroes jump as a voice speaks out.*
Gear: *speaking over the intercom* Five miles reached, sir. Stabilizing thrusters.
Yuan: You idiot! Do you think I care? The entire first floor is crawling with homicidal maniacs!
Gear: Your point being ... ?
*The titanium door bursts off its hinges.*
Veri: That you're all dead?
Yuan: *backing slowly away* Now, Veri -
Veri:[b/] *advancing with her club* Yes, pervert?
"Pervert"? Disgraceful!
*That stops Veri and the wives behind her cold.*
Veri: Pardon?
*The others take this oppurtunity to sneak into the control room.*
Yuan: You're an Elf! A showgirl, of all things! I never thought I'd live to see the day an Elfmaid use such a word of one of her own kind! Next, I suppose you'll tell me you were ashamed of your caberet days!
Veri: Well, I -
Peasant #998: Ah, stop talkin'! Chaaaarge!
*Peasant #998 runs forward, waving a saw. Suddenly there is a flash of blue, and the Peasant drops down dead. The Bluestar triad appears between Lord Yuan and the newlyweds.*
Youkai: Futile.
Tenba: Do you have to say that every time?
Youkai: Yes.
Yuan: Ah, the Triad! Ta ta, ladies; I'll just go join my guests in the control room. And I wouldn't follow me; one wrong move in there, and we'll all fall five miles down to a very unpleasant end.
*Turns to leave, but finds his way blocked by ... Loralty.*
Loralty: I am sorry, but I do not think we can do that.
Yuan: A Monk? How did a Monk get aboard my Lounge?
Loralty: *shifts uncomfortably* Well, actually, I was in the Tower when it blasted off. I was trying to help Mew escape.
Yuan: *stares at Loralty* Mew? What's a Mew?
Mew:/b] I am a Mew. Sister Mew, to you.
A Priestess!?
Mew: Mm-hm. And one of your captives, Don Yuan.
Loralty: You see, Mew read the combination code off of one of your Guard's minds. Then she gave it to me, and I let out the wives. I hardly meant for this to happen though. Much as I detest you and your enterprises, I abhor gratuitous violence.
Yuan: I see. So, we are at a stand-off. You don't want a repeat of the awful blood-bath that always accompanies the end-story of the Three Rogues, and yet you couldn't let me off scotch-free. I control this Lounge, and therefore your fates, and I have the Triad to protect me.
Random Wife: Three Elves? What're they gonna do, sing us to death? *The mob seethes.*
Kitsune: How about a dance? *twirls her daggers.*
Another Wife: Little vixen!
Kitsune: Why, thank you! How did you know?
Veri: Now, just a minute. Mister Bluestar has a point. He does control this Lounge. Do any of you know how to pilot space-craft?
Random Wife: Uh ...
Mew: *grins* So it's settled! We hold Lord Bluestar prisoner in exchange for a safe trip!
Loralty: *looks appealingly at the mob* Temporary truce?
Veri: At least until we reach ground.
Youkai: So be it. Your deaths are delayed.
Kitsune: *caricatures Youkai*
Venn: We are victorious, Your Majesty!
Kitsune: *caricatures Venn*
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Cooker’s amplified noise: “everyone cease fire!”
Penguins: “Why should we.”
Elf defender: “Actually, he’s the only one doing any damage right now so we might as well have a 15 minutes cease fire or something, have a coffee break, or tea.”
Barbarian Horde: “Me like coffee”

That said, all three sides stand down and have a coffee break. Caravans with purple cross logo rush into and cart the wounded away; Merchants and Espresso Adepts rush in to sell everything from ammunition to first aid kit.

Loud Voice: “Yeah, I am rich, I should start wars more often!”

Suddenly Royal guards rushed in and begin to randomly arrest everyone they can get their herbed on.
Guard #65535 “You are hereby under arrest for breaking inter-clan disarmament treaty and deploy weapons of distraction.”
Barbarian #64 “What, arg, grr, ack” *being arrested and taken away*
Cooker “You guys won’t dare trying to arrest me right”
Guard #65534 “Since we guards are completely autonomous, we don’t process more capability to fear then your concrete donkeys, but since arresting you would cause massive problem to security of any prison, we will pass that up for now.”

Special wing auditing tax collectors:
“Bojin’s keep is under auditing for fine incurred by deploying weapons of mass distraction, Bojin, you are under arrest!”
Bojin “I am sure this is a miss understanding … a Miss Grrr” *Bojin gets carried away by absurd number of guards.*

Cooker: “Hey sovJ. You could have easily just fined that elf until he breaks, since that is a victory condition.”
SovJ: “But it’s more dramatic this way.”

Sister groom:
“Sovereign’s forces and Bojin’s forces have ceased fire today, after Cooker the mad declared that even the worst lunatic needs to stop and eat chicken wings sometimes. And the defense mister of Bojin’s keep announced that a new era has begun where elves and dwarves can live in peace, providing there are enough hot wings. This is sister groom, Foramina.”

The Semi-end
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 PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top


Loralty the Talkative One returned to the North-Northwst Tower with Sister Mew and the other honeymooners. Apart from the holding cells, the Tower also boasted several suites, where mew was determined they would complete their honeymoon. The other honeymooners were not so content, however.

Solarus: It doens't feel right, letting the perverts off like that.
Paladin: If I don't bring the Three Rogues to justice, I'll probably be kicked out of the DDN.
Female Peasant: Aye, it's all very well for that Monk and 'is lady to settle in, but what about us? Our 'usbands are still down there, somewhere, and we've got no way of gettin' to 'em.
Paladin: I move we go and back and ... talk to this Elflord some more.

Yuan Bluestar spent his time desperately trying to come up with a plan to keep from getting torn to shreds by the mob, which was becoming increasingly restive.

Yuan: You'd think two executive suites would be enough for those dratted women.
Shifty: Not when you've kidnapped them and threatened them with a fate worse than death.
Veri: Well, it least you've got me to speak up for you. As long as you promise you don't have designs on you.
Yuan: I'm an Elflord. Of course I have designs on you. But I'm no Borjin. If you're so attracted to him, I'll send you back to that Frog fellow untouched.
Veri: Trog.
Yuan: Whatever. But, once you get tired of him, look me up[. In the meanwhile ... maybe you would do me the honour of being my hostage?
Veri: What?
Yuan: In case the League of Rabid Wives gets out of hand. I'm sure they wouldn't take action if they knew a fellow newlywed's happiness was at stake. The Triad will watch you ... for your own protection, of course.
Veri: *rolls eyes* Of course.
Kitsune: Oh, great. Another boring assignment.
Youkai: A ninja is but the shadow of his master. His master's will -
Kitsune: Blah blah blah -- give it a rest, will you?

So, the Bluestar Triad spent their time watching Veri; or rather, catering to her whims and entertaining her.

Tenba: Draw Bungalow, tap Marketplace, summon Elflord.
Veri: Don't you ever get tired of this game?
Tenba: Tired? Of "The Gathering"? My dear, I practically invented it! It's your move.
Veri: Urgh!
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Royal (prototype) Prison House.)

Trog: (to Ulaf) Trog sorry everyone got arrested.
Ulaf: (claps Trog on the back) No need for apolo-apo-.. sorry! Ulaf and everyone else would probably end up in here sooner or later.

(The rest of the horde, adorned with various shackles, rumble their consent.)

Prison Guard: (raps the prison bars noisily with baton) Quiet in there!
Trog: (waits for the guard to walk off) Ulaf, you think Veri wait for Trog to get out of prison?
Ulaf: (shrugs) Dunno. Depends on how long we in here.
Trog: How long Ulaf think we be in here?
Ulaf: (winces from thinking) Two, three ToF episodes, maybe..

(A sudden crash sounds from the Prison Guard office, followed by yells, screams of panic and sounds of fighting.)

Prison Guard: (gets thrown down the corridor) Heeelllppp!! (slams against the prison bars where barbarian hands immediately grab him, some going for his throat while others wrestle for his keys.)
Ulaf: (grins) Or maybe right now! (turns around to the rest) We break out, kill all guards, and pound prison into pixel dust!

(The rest of the horde cheers)

Inhuman howl from office: Trogg!! Trogg!! Trogg!!
Trog: (turns pale) Oh oh - it's Mop'bal!

(The rest of the horde freezes)

Ulaf: (grin fades) Or maybe.. we all sneak out using back door..?

(The rest of the horde quietly agrees)
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