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Shifty Coindrop

Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The CNN-A logo comes on the screen.)

Announcer: This is a CNN Ardania Special Report. Once again we take you to Sister Gloom.

(The scene is now a relatively wide open and diverse section of Midtown Forumia, and standing in the foreground is of course CNN-A's top news reporter/Priestess)

Sister Gloom: This is Sister Gloom, this time reporting from Midtown Forumia where events have literally exploded from the ground along with miles and miles of Sewer Mains. The Sovereign's Sanitation Department has been drowning in complaints of these pipe eruptions, however they have been unable to begin repair efforts due to the sudden swarm of Ratmen that have taken advantage of the situation and began a rampage.

(Behind Sister Gloom in the background there's a flurry of Ratmen, Peasants, Guards and Heroes going back and forth varying between combat, flight, and looting. )

Sister Gloom: The chaos created by the compounding situations have placed undue pressure on the Sovereign's guards to maintain law and order until the Mains can be repaired and a clean scent returned to the kingdom. Ironically, the EDDNA contingent busted by the combined efforts of the DDN and the Daurosian Inquisition just moments ago were supposedly brought down to aid in controlling the Ratmen rampage.

(The caravan of EDDNA agents held in the electrical cages are carted off in the background.)

Sister Gloom: Now according to Sanitation Department officials who wished to remain off-camera, the sewage system is becoming dangerously unstable and could threaten the safety of its citizens unless the system is put back in order.

(Off in the distant background an Adept Coffeehouse suddenly explodes into a poo-brown mushroom cloud, leaving behind raining... um... debris and a huge crater in the earth afterwards. Sister Gloom doesn't even flinch or look back. However, the viewer can see a few Skeletons shamble behind her to rubberneck over the devastation. Sister Gloom scowls at them and they shamble back out of view.)

Sister Gloom: In addition to the Ratman infestation, the officials have mentioned the problem of finding enough sanitation workers to inspect and clear out the vast maze of the underground sewage system. The Department is even rumored to be considering an emergency Gnome Draft to alleviate this problem.

(Also in the distant background behind Sister Gloom, there's two Broken Sewer Mains facing each other at high angles. One of them begins vomiting forth a geyser of muck, which happens to launch a collectively screaming Embris, Eidola and toilet-boarding Talespinner as they spiral and twirl into the air before getting perfectly dropped into the other Sewer Main like golf balls, the muck following them in a nasty, filthy water fountain show. The rattling of bones suggest another Skeleton Rubbernecking before Sister Gloom's glare stops it.)

Sister Gloom: We will bring you more updates as the situation mandates. From Forumia for CNN-A, this is Sister Gloom.
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 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 10:17 pm    Post subject: Palace siege cut n+1 Reply with quote Back to top

The rat again redoubles their attack the countless times, and pushed into the town square, it’s again defended by a single wizard. Fortunately most rats wore earmuffs this time.

Cooker Broke up a deck of magic card, Rat shaman broke out his own deck.

Shaman: “Summon champion”, he flips a card and a champion appears in between the two mages.
Cooker: “Lighting bolt” A lighting bolt reduces the champion to dust.
Shaman: “plague” hulling a sphere of magic at cooker.
Cooker: “heal”, purple cross appears and he is good as new
Shaman: “ratapult” a ratapult begin and begin shelling the palace, loud curse is heard.
Cooker: “Cooker’s absurd machine of senseless devastation.” The entire rat army retreated leaving a deck of card in their place.
Cooker: “That took care of them” *walks away*
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Posts: 2018
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 11:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(Somewhere in the depths of the sewers, TaleSpinner and Embris exit from a ceiling chute and land messily on a mucky puddle)

TaleSpinner: (head spinning) Urr - no more rides, please - I'll be good!
Embris: (looking around) Where's Eidola!?

(Eidola lands on them both. After sprawling around a bit, the three heroes pick themselves up.)

TaleSpinner: (looks at the two Solarii) Hey! I know you - you're the two Solarii on TV! The ones who said that the Solarii don't like Paladins anymore!
Embris: (sarcastically) Well, you're just smarter than the average WoD, aren't you?
TaleSpinner: Huh?
Embris: Never mind. (looks around) Where are we, anyway?

(Their eyes finally adjust to the gloom and they notice that they're in a fair-sized chamber. A large number of small mounds of rubbish are scattered all over the place. Embris raises her Darkfire mace (which she miraculously didn't lose in their muck-water ride) and turns it on like a flash-light.)

Eidola: What is this place?
Embris: (hisses) Wait! What was that!? I heard something!

(She shines her mace on one of the mounds. There is something stirring in it. A few bits of rubbish slide away to reveal a small, pink rat-like creature with beady eyes.)

TaleSpinner: (amazed) Cor! I've never seen anything like that!
Eidola: Why, it's a baby ratman! Or a rat-baby! Or whatever! Isn't it cute!?

(At that moment, the ratling springs into the air with a high-pitch squeal and smacks into TaleSpinner's face, face-hugger-style.)

TaleSpinner: (trying to pull ratling off face) Arggh!!

(All around them, tiny squeals sound as more ratlings clamber out of their nests)

Embris: (horrified) Let's get out of here!

(TaleSpinner finally pries the face-hugging ratling off his face and throws it aside. The three heroes rush towards a dark tunnel exit and run out of the squeal-filled chamber.)
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Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 1:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Loralty pursues Cucarouche deep into the Sewers. Finally the ratman gives him the slip. At that moment, Loralty returns to his usual self. He collapses against the wall, too tired to care what the mcuk is doing to his robes.*
Loralty: They are in tatters, anyway ... oh, what am I doing down here? Mew is dead, ratmen are over-running the city, I seem to be lost in the sewer system, and I am alone ...
Soft, Hoarse Voice: That's what you think.
*Loralty looks around in the darkness.*
Loralty: Um, hello?
Soft Voice: *mockingly* Hello?
Loralty: Who is there?
Soft Voice: That would be telling, wouldn't it?
Loralty: Enough suspence! Just kill me already.
Soft Voice: Who said anything about killing?
Loralty: *exasperated* Well then, whatever it is that mysterious voices do.
Soft Voice: I want to make a deal.
Loralty: What manner of deal?
Soft Voice: Very simple. I guide you out of these Sewers, and you ... do a certain thing for me.
Loralty: What manner of thing?
Soft Voice: Oh, a very simple task. Like hiring one of Cooker's assistants for me.
Loralty: *disturbed* Cooker? What do you want to get involved with him for?
soft Voice: Do you want to get out of the Sewers or not?
Loralty: I do not know ... I have a very bad feeling ...
Soft Voice: Probably the stench turning your stomach. The longer you stay down here, you know, the harder it will be to get rid of it.
Loralty: *sighing in resignation* Very well. Lead away.
*A light is struck. Loralty sees a gaunt face wrapped in very dirty bandages. One eye is covered with them, the other stares at Loralty with unnerving intensity. A bandaged hand holds up a bullseye lantern.*
Soft Voice: Here, take it.
Loralty: Ah, if I have the light, how will I follow you?
Soft Voice: You don't. You go first, I follow. I shall tell you which directions to take.
Loralty: Am I certain you can be trusted?
Soft Voice: You had better be. Don't worry; I want you to get out safely so that you can hire one of Cooker's people.
Loralty: Very well. Which way?
Soft Voice: That way. *A bandaged arm points past Loralty up the tunnel.*

*Meanwhile, on the surface, the ratmen are swarming everywhere except the central Square where Cooker stands, shuffling his deck of cards. This scene is replaced briefly by the CNN-A logo.*
CCN-A Announcer: Another CNN Ardania Special Report. Once again, Sister Gloom.
*Sister Gloom appears on screen.*
Sister Gloom: Twice today the mad archmage Cooker has repelled Ratmen from the Palace. In the first incident, he bored them to death with a long diatribe on his towering superiority. In this second incident, he defeated a Ratman Shaman in a game of Majesty: The Gathering trading cards. Now the Ratmen have departed for other parts of town. We now take you to the Mausoleum, to interview the Tomb-Keeper.
*Camera moves to the Mausoleum, and Sister Gloom walks up to a slouched little man in an ancient black suit.*
Sister Gloom: *holds out her bone microphone* Do you any comments to make on the recent surge in Ratman attacks?
Tomb-Keeper: *dry, grouchy voice* Yes, I certanly do! Those vermin are everywhere. Why, this morning I went to check on my embalming fluid, and I found a Giant Rat drowned in the stuff! As if these meddling kids weren't enough, now I've got Ratmen poking around everywhere.
Sister Gloom: Actually, they seem more inclined to destroy your Mausoleum.
Tomb-Keeper: Eh? *The camera goes to the Mausoleum, which is surrounded by Ratmen of various types.* My Mausoleum! *Dashes over and ineffectually starts pummeling a Ratman Champion with his gnarled fists.*
Loud Voice #1: Oh great. Now my -bleep-ing Mausoleum is being destroyed. Guess I better Reanimate any Heroes who might be in there ... *Clicks on the Mausoleum. There is only one Hero. Adan clicks the Resurrect bottun without checking the name or class. At once the screen goes blue.*
LV #1: what the -bleep-?
LV #1: What -bleep-ing data? *Pushes Enter.*
Warning Screen:
LV #1: What the -bleep-. *Hits enter again.*
*Organ music plays just as the Mausoleum crumbles to dust. A swarm of skeletons and zombies emerge, as well as a Priestess in white robes.*
White-robed Priestess: Mew ... hm? What happened? *Quickly runs through her decision tree while the Ratmen gape at her. A zombie shambles up, but before it can hit her, she casts "control Undead."*
Zombie: Brainth? *starts attacking a Ratman Shaman*
Shaman: Freak! *Points her staff accusingly at the Priestess, then leads her cohort in a mass stampede away from the rubble. Sister Gloom paces up, and holds out her microphone to the strange priestess.*
Sister Gloom: Welcome back to Ardania, Sister Mew. Have you anything to say about your experience in the afterlife?
Sister Mew: It was very odd. Exciting, I guess. *Cocks her head.* I met Krypta, and she informed me that, as a non-Majesty unit, I couldn't be reanimated. But I told her that I had to come back and look after that lovable, bumbling Monk, so she transformed me -- and here I am.
Sister Gloom: I see. *bows in reverence for Krypta. All praise to the Dark Lady. This has been Sister Gloom, reporting for CNN Ardania.
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 7:58 pm    Post subject: Palace siege reloaded! Reply with quote Back to top

The forth heroic siege of the palace …

The rats, again, heroically advanced onto the town square held by a single wizard.

Wizard assumes martial art stance.

Random rat champion: “leave him too me” *walks towards the wizard.

Rat army: cheers

Wizard produces a hamster.

Random rat champion: “????”

Wizard beat the rat champion into a tombstone with said hamster.

Cooker: “Is there anyone else? Is there anyone else!”

Rat army: Collective scream of horror *runs away*
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Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

 PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 11:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(After recovering from the horror of the dreaded 'Ratling room', the WoD and two Solarii wander around the sewers, trying to find the way up and out. Rounding the corner, they bump into Loralty.)

TaleSpinner: (astonishedly) Loralty!
Eidola: (brightly) Loralty!
Embris: (disdainfully) Loralty..
TaleSpinner: Man, are we glad to see you - we're trying to find the way out of this place. Do you know the way out?
Loralty: (shrugs) Well, I suppose in some relative sense, yes. I have a guide with me.. (he turns, only to find that the mysterious bandaged figure with the soft, hoarse voice has disappeared) That is odd - he was right behind me.
Embris: (sceptically) So you had a guide who was leading you from behind? (rolls eyes) I thought that the Stupidity Curse was lifted some time ago (see ToF: Wizard's Curse). But I suppose that's the mental state which Dauros prefers in all His followers.
Loralty: (affronted) Don't take Dauros's name in vain, you solar-powered Heliatic. The Law-giver has always shown concern to His followers, like when he promoted me to his Avatar (see ToF: Deal with a Demon).
Embris: Yeah, and that was because he wanted you to handle his overflowing junk mail. Probably so that he can spend more time doodling pictures for that Book of Dauros (see ToF: The Bell, Book and Candle).
TaleSpinner: (aside to Eidola) Is it just me, or are there just too many in-story references in ToF episodes?
Eidola: (shrugs) Don't look at me. I only turned up a few episodes ago (see ToF: Urban Renewal).
Embris: Well, since we're all stuck in this rat-maze, I suppose we should stick together and get out before some lone ratman destroys the palace single-handedly again.
Eidola: (confused) Huh?
Embris: (snaps) (see ToF: Free the Slaves)
Eidola: Oh.
Loralty: (sighs) Oh well, I suppose it would be better to work at this together, religious differences aside.

(They all wander down another sewer tunnel.)
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Meanwhile, Eleanor halts the line of Caravan-cages in order to go after the Rogues and the Insane family. As she is contemplating her latest act of revenge, Saturninus comes up and bows.*
Saturninus: Revered Dar-Eleanor.
Eleanor: *irritated at being disturbed from her fond imaginings* Yes, Inquisitor, what is it?
Saturninus: Grand Inquisitor, Revered Dar-Eleanor. It would seem to me you are in something of a dilemma.
Eleanor: What dilemma?
Saturninus: *gestures at the Caravan-cages* You can hardly leave these prisoners unattended. at the same time, it is imperative that we apprehend the EDDNA leaders as quickly as possible.
Eleanor: And the Three Rogues. What's your point?
Saturninus: You cannot be in two places at once. With all these rodents running around, leaving the Caravan escort understaffed could result in a ... regrettable calamity which you, as commander of this operation, would be held accountable for.
Eleanor: Yes, yes, yes -- can you hurry? My Jeweled Longsword is anxious to become reacquainted with Shifty's vital organs. We missed last episode. (See ToF: Darkness Falls)
Saturninus: I'm afraid you and your companion must wait. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush;" it is your duty to guard the Caravan. Please, allow Dar-Kayt and I to handle this.
*Eleanor pauses, blood-lust warring with duty. However, the penetrating gaze of the Grand Inquisitor tips the scales. Eleanor sighs.*
Eleanor: Very well. It will give Kayt the chance to train her apprentices, anyway. Dar-Kayt!
*The legendary huntress walks up, followed this time by three younger Paladins.*
Kayt: You called?
Eleanor: I am assigning you to make sure that Shifty, Ytfihs and cherik are caught. Make sure they're actually caught, mind you -- I have something special planned for them back at DDN headquarters. Saturninus, you're in charge of apprehending the Insane family.
Kayt: I deem your mandate just. *She bows to Eleanor and sets off toward the Broken Sewer main where she located the Rogues and the Insane family.*
Saturninus: It shall be done, Dar-Eleanor. Enma! Yama! *Two Monks detach from the squadron next to the Caravans. Their robes are purple and black, rather than purple and gold, and they have black mantles with hoods underneath their hats, and black half-gloves. Their unsmiling faces have about thirty scars each. Even Eleanor looks uneasy when they stop and stand next to Saturninus.* These are my two Senior Inquisitors. *Smiles gently at Eleanor's expression* I assure you, the heretics will not escape.
Enma and Yama: *speak at once, with an eerie echo effect* The will of Dauros is our will. Our will is the will of Dauros. *They cast Vigilance on themselves and Saturninus, and move swiftly after Dar-Kayt.
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:04 pm    Post subject: Palace siege revolution! Reply with quote Back to top

Cooker stopped “defending the realm” and begun “hunting” after driving the rat army from the town square countless times. (Talking about an army of one) Cooker’s negotiation technique includes fireballs, fire blast, and good old smacks to the face with a staff, these are VERY convincing. With the parry, dodge and magic resistance well over a hundred, he cut though pillaging rat man army like a bulldozer though wheat. Cooker’s spells sent crispy rodents into air and lands in various part of the town. At least now heroes don’t need to worry about food …

But do they ever? Or do they go to the outhouse, for that matter?
This is all about to change, to the surprise of both heroes and rats, Cooker cast “create outhouse”

An outhouse appeared in the middle of the town square.

Suddenly, EVERY hero, henchman, peasant, whatnot, have a desperate, and sudden urge to rush into the outhouse at once. (It’s a reasonably reaction if you haven’t being there since you where born …) The sudden urge overwrote the defective path finding mechanism and brought great host of hero swarming out of severs … and into toilets. The stampede destroys guilds, houses, fountains, broken sever mains … Not all WMD involve explosions…

Sister Gloom: “This is sister gloom with a special report on Forumia Sanitation situation. To emend the lack of usable sewers, Cooker the wizard successfully cast create outhouse today in mid-town Forumia. This had the unforeseen (?) outcome of causing EVERYONE to leave their post and go to the rest room. (Background showing Sister Mew standing in the huge line waiting for the ladies’ room) there, I had better get in line” *screen fades to black.

Rat army ceased the situation to turn the tide, and suddenly, Cooker fined himself staring down a rat army, advancing on the town square and the magical outhouses.

Sir Robin *Sarcastic* “Ratman! Coward!”
Cooker *takes off his wizard hat* “Cooker’s rabid bunny of senseless devastation.” *pulls red eyed demonic bunny out of his hat and hull it into the rat army…*

Random Rat champion “It got Sir Robin”
Rat shaman “That rabbit is dynamite, ARRRG”
Rat solider *Not so sarcastic* “Ratman! Coward!”

The army suddenly turns into a chaotic route from a single rabbit.
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Insane Family walks out of the outhouse, looking "less tense" than usual.)
Galen: Than was the moment I was born for!
Concus: No, you idiot, the moment you are born for is the moment of your death. (Galen looks at his grandpa, confused.)
Veti: Moving along to more important buisness...(Veti is interrupted by Galen.)
Galen: (Waving his hand franticly.) Oh! OH! Pick ME!!!!!
Veti: Fine.
Galen: I don't know! Why do you always have to pick me?
Concus: I think we should start heading for the sewers!
Galen: Idea seconded!
(The Insane family start walking off, being closely trailed by Saturninus.)
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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Shifty Coindrop

Joined: 21 Sep 2000
Posts: 204
Location: Duncanville, TX, USA

 PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Rogues head back near the Broken Sewer Main after they're done with the Outhouse. They were discussing their options now that Cooker has destroyed their Guild a second time.)

Shifty:: Once again Cooker's rampaging stupidity has destroyed our Guild. Is there any reason we ought to be sticking around this town?
Ytfihs: What about sulking at an Inn?
Shifty: Nope, those are gone as well. Again, courtesy of Cooker.
Ytfihs: So we ought to blow this town and find some other place to set up you're sayin? I kinda like Forumia.
Shifty: I doubt Adan is in the mood to rebuild anything that's been smashed so far. Short of some extraordinary circumstances, we bid farewell to Forumia.
Cherik: How about a small squad of Paladins being lead by Kayt the Vindicator?
Shifty: That would qualify as an extraordinary circumstance, yes.
Ytfihs: Then looks like we won't be leaving Forumia just yet!

(They all turn around to see Kayt and her three apprentices rushing towards them with Longswords brandished.)

All Three Rogues: (BLEEEEEP!!)
Kayt: Remember, no termination! But as long as they're brought in alive, Anything Goes!
Shifty: To the Sewers!!

(All three put on their Gas Masks and duck into the Sewer Main, screaming like little girly-men.)

Kayt: After them!!
Apprentice #1: But they're heading into the foul, tainted Sewers Dar-Kayt!
Kayt: One of the important rules in the DDN is "Bring Justice everywhere, whether fair greens or foul sewers."
Apprenctice #2: And it doesn't get any fouler than the Forumian Sanitation System.
Apprentice #3: So when do we get to learn the proper arrest and interrogation techniques Dar-Kayt?
Kayt: Soon my students.... (An almost Eleanor-like grin) Soon...

(The Rogues and Paladins slip into the Sewer Main and the scene then switches to an overhead view that pretty much resembles a rusty Pac Man maze where the two parties are wandering around one trying to evade the other. Now and then the Rogues and Paladins almost come into contact with each other, as well as the Solarii, Talespinner and Loralty. Finally however the Rogues find themselves in a cul-de-sac and the rustling mail of the Paladins' armor growing louder and louder from down the distance.)

Ytfihs: This isn't looking good...
Shifty: Well lads, looks like we go down crossbows blazing instead of leaving Forumia the easy way.
Cherik: I suppose this is where our ventures end Gentlemen.

(They ready their crossbows for Full Auto when they hear a hiss behind him.)

Familiar Voice: Psst! Hey mon, got a deal to make. Wanna hear?

(They turn around to see Cucarouche peeking from a secret door built into a brick wall.)

Ytfihs: YOU!! (Pointing the crossbow at him)
Cucarouche: Whooooa mon, calm down dere! Sorry bout the bites but been weeks since I've 'ad some weed, and monts since good (Bleep!) like what you've got in dem packs.
Cherik: Animalistic biting has been a noted symptom of Elven Pipeweed withdrawal according to the Ardanian Healers' Journal Sir.
Shifty: All right... what's the offer?
Cucarouche: For some of dat Weed I get you away from dose crazee wimmen, yeah? I know dis sewer like tha back of me 'ands. (Waves a hand palm down in front of him.)
Ytfihs: E's settin' us up!
Cucarouche: Are you crazee mon? I want da good stuff all for meself! Hurry now, dem Paladins are gettin' closer and word on de grapevine has it da Dee Dee Enn wants ta bring you all in for some real special treatment.
Shifty: (Smacks Ytfihs) Don't mind him, he's still miffed about the bite. And probably suffering from some sort of infection on top of that.
Cherik: One carton of pre-rolled Pipeweed, and a single liter bottle of Fervus Ale to see that you keep us intact.
Cucarouche: (His beady eyes light up) Ooooo.... Crazee Beeeer! I'll even clean your Guild and give you a tour of de underground for free!
Shifty: If Cooker didn't smash our Guild anyways. Deal. (Takes out a carton of Elfweed and a plastic liter bottle of Crazy Beer from Ytfihs's pack) Once we get away from here.
Cucarouche: Step right dis way Gentlemen... (disappears into the secret passage)
Shifty: All right Gents, as the Credo goes...
All Three: I'm Outta Here!

(They go inside and the brick wall seals back into a seamless whole as the Paladin squad arrives at the cul-de-sac.)

Apprentice #1: Where did they go?
Apprentice #2: I could swear we had them trapped like rats.
Apprentice #3: Rats... maybe the rodents helped them out, but how?
Kayt: It does not matter for now. We continue the search.

(The Paladins turn around and head back where they came from.)
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 11:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Insane Family walks hastily into the sewers.)
Galen: Which way now?
Concus: I know my way around these sewers. Remember, I've been tracking Rohden for many years now.
Veti: Don't you think you are getting a little obsesive over this?
Concus: (Offended) When a father looses something deer to him, aka his son, we tend to go a little cazy.
Clare: I was the man's wife, for Fervus sake!
(As they all argue over Concuses obsession problem, you see the circle that indicates the insane family start coming close to the dot that indicates the three rouges and the rat's position, which is located inside the wall.)
Concus: (Stopping) Do you hear that?
Bob: Hear what?
Concus: (Has his ears perked up like a dog) The sound of a rat's foot steps. And that smell. That smelly smell that smells smelly. (He perks is nose up like a rat.)
Galen: I would sware I heard that phrase somewhere....
Veti: Yes, I agree. You've made me watch that episoide of Sponge Bob Square Pants many times.
Concus: Well it's coming from this direction! (Smash bladestick into the pipe siding. It breaks easily, squerting crap all over all of them.) Nothing smells better than your own stench!
Clare: You really must stop quoteing lines from famous shows and movies.
Concus: I'm sorry, it's just so easy to do it. Now can we hurry up! (The group walks into the siding of the pipes.) That way! (The group starts to run in the direction Concus pointed.)
Gimli:Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
Legolas:What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli:Aye. I could do that.

Gandalf:Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

(The Outhouse Effect has a long reach. Despite the desire to visit an outhouse over-riding the defective path-finding algorithm, TaleSpinner, Loralty and the Solarii are still too far down the sewers to reach the way out.)

Embris: (disgustedly to TaleSpinner) Couldn't you just hold it till after we got out of this place!? I swear you've somehow multiplied the stench of this place ten-fold!
TaleSpinner: Sorry. Just thank Fervus that Loralty had some spare toilet-paper on him.
Loralty: (looking a bit ill) That was my handkerchief. Which I must insist you do not return to me.
Eidola: (brightly) Hey, everyone! Someone's up ahead!
Embris: (hisses) Quiet, you dolt! It could be ratmen - or worse!

(Kayt and her paladins come in view.)

Loralty: (faintly) It's worse.
Kayt: (muttering) Where's Saturninus? Inquisitors or not, monks are all the same slow bunch of- (spots the group in front of her. She gives an unnerving smile) Why, Loralty. I suppose it's natural to find a heretic like you among other heretics.
TaleSpinner: (waves scythe) I'm not a heretic!
Embris: (mutters) Yeah, just a lunatic.
Loralty: (coughs) Hello, Kayt. We want no trouble - we are just looking for the exit.
Kayt: (raises her Jeweled Longsword of Annihilation +5) The only exits you'll see will be the exit wounds from my blade! (the paladin-apprentices draw their swords as well, grinning like sharks)
Embris: (raises her Darkfire Mace which flames up) Hah! Brave words which you'll soon be eating, right everyone!?

(Embris suddenly realises that there is no one else behind her. The sound of running feet (and a fast monk shuffle) fade in the background.)

Embris: (faces Kayt with a defiant glare) We'll deal with this later! (turns and runs)

(The paladin squad chases the four heroes through the sewer tunnels. After numerous twists and turns, the paladins find themselves in a dark chamber.)

Kayt: (irritatedly looking around) Where did they go?
Apprentice#1: It appears that we might have taken a wrong turn.
Kayt: Nonsense! I never take a wrong turn!
Apprentice#2: (looking around) What's with this place? Why are there all these mounds of rubbish everywhere?
Apprentice#3: (nervously) I don't know - but I'm getting nervous. It's like one of those scenes in Star Trek episodes where the crew beams down to investigate some alien site.
Apprentice#1: (nods) Yeah, and do you notice how those nameless crew members always get killed instead of one of the cast members?
Apprentice#2: (gulps) You mean, nameless like us?
Kayt: (snaps) Don't be ridiculous! I swear, what are they teaching you young whelps in Paladin-school these days!?
Apprentice#3: (turns) Wait! What was that noise!?

(Two pink ratlings appear on top of a rubbish mound.)

Kayt: Hah! You see? Nothing to fear about two tiny rat-...

(With an ear-piercing squeal, the ratlings launch themselves into the air. The scene is frozen with the ratlings in mid-air as the camera swivels around them like a scene from The Matrix. The horrified faces of the Apprentice paladins come into view as the scene unfreezes to show the ratlings smack into the faces of two of them, their scaly tails coiling around their necks in an effective choke-hold.)

Apprentice#3: (panics) Eeeeeeee!!

(The sounds of general screaming, cursing and squealing echo through the sewer tunnels.)

Last edited by TaleSpinner on Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 2:58 pm    Post subject: Puny weapon from puny mind Reply with quote Back to top

Tax collector #32768 *in front of the magical outhouse*:
“Tax collector” *sound of coin, then he turns around to walk back to the palace, carrying 10K gold.

“Blur…” A troll appears out of no where in front of said collector.

Jay clicks on the wizard guild … invisibility out of range …
“Beep! Beep Beep! Beep!”

Cooker comes out of teleport between collector and troll.
Troll smashes … and misses

Troll “Hey, how can I miss you when you are right there …”
Cooker “100+ parry”
Troll “You were not parrying.”
Cooker “Doesn’t matter, I win you lose, end of story.”
Troll smashes, and smashes, and smashes… and misses magically
Cooker *bored* “you are not even the worth the effort killing, let’s settle with this” *break out a deck of magic card* You take one out, put it back, if I can guess which one it is, you walk away, ok?”
Troll “No, of course you can guess it, you are a magician, and you can pull rabbits out of a hat or something.”
Cooker “So do you prefer a trick involve dices?”
Troll “Thanks, let’s do the card thing.”
Cooker “here you go” *shows a deck of magic card, facing down*
Troll pulls one out, it’s the ballista tower, and put the card back.
Cooker “Remember it”
Troll “Done”
Cooker shuffles the card then pull a card out.
Troll had a look, it’s a ballista tower.
Troll “fine, you won, but before I walk away, I want to know how you did that.”
Cooker *turn the deck around* “This is a ballista deck, it has only ballista towers” *throw the deck into air*
Troll “No!!!!”

Ratapult crew 1024: *Sarcastically* “Puny weapon from puny minds!”
About fifty ballista tower pop out of nowhere around the ratapult.

Ratapult crew 1024: “Oh bugger” *sound of ballista firing* *squeak*

Cooker “I need more cards.”
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Location: Yaro'on the Fair

 PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

*Rattensford gets up, gingerly rubbing his forehead.*
Rattensford: I really need to talk to the Sewerist leaders about getting helmets. Now, where the deuce am I? *Produces a map of the sewers, miraculously clean.* Ah, sector Q, tunnel 38, junction with sewer main I-5. Secret passage III is just six paces south. *Walks six paces south and taps the wall. A dense curtain of fungus rolls away, revealing a long tunnel illuminated by flourescent lighting.* Ah, here we are. *Goes into the tunnel, and the fungus closes behind him.*

*Meanwhile, in another flourescent-lit secret passage, Cucarouche and the Three Rogues are making their way towards an unknown destination, hopefully on the surface.*
Shifty: How far is the surface?
Cucarouche: Pretty far, mon. You ran a long way, wi' dose Paladins on your trail.
Ytfihs: I swear 'e's leadin' us into a trap.
*Suddenly they hear voices ahead of them.*
Cherik: Quiet!
Concus: *from up ahead* We should be closing in on the Rats. The stench is getting stronger.
Galen: I don't see how you can smell anything, with all this muck about.
Bob: *thoughtfully* I smell Elfweed.
Cucarouche: Great burnin' mushrooms! I's dose Insane people!
Shifty: Concus and Co.?
Cucarouche: Dey's aftah our blood! Da ratmen's blood, dat is -
Cherik: Then I suggest we get out of here before they deprive us of guide.
Concus: *coming around a corner in the tunnel* Guide? *spots Cucarouche* Ratman! Attack!
Galen: We're not Ratmen! *Comes up beside him, and Concus turns to him. Using this distraction, the Rogues and the ratman good their getaway.*
Concus: No, fool - can't you see, a Ratman! Attack him!
Galen: Oh. *peers down the tunnel* I can't see any Ratmen.
Concus: What the - ? And where are your brothers?
*Suddenly, there are sounds of melee from behind them. They turn around, to see Clarely, Bob, and Veti dumped on the fungus-covered floor with their hands bound behind their back by black metal cylinders with the Scales of Justice imprinted on them. Standing over them are three Monks in black.*
Galen: *hefts blade-stick menacingly* Who are you? And what have you done to our family?
Saturninus: *smiles thinly and produces a crystal ball. Words begin scrolling across it* "I am Saturninus, Grand Inquisitor of Dauros. These are Enma and Yama, my associates. Your - family? - has been arrested for heresy and conspiracy against the Church. As will you be. Enma, Yama, take them down."
Enma and Yama: Omniyah!- Ominah! - Niohmni! *Move forward.*
Galen: Bwok - *Concus slaps him.* What - ? I was saying my "Fleeing" line!
Concus: We're not running. *Twirls his blade-stick around and lets out a roar* DEATH TO THE RATMEN!
*Enma and Yama pause, disconcerted by this. Saturninus frowns.*
Saturninus (crystal ball): "That's a strange Howl of Discord. What did you do, modify it?
Concus: Yes.
Galen: *Howling too* ROOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUR! Come to Momma!
Enma and Yama: Ohhhhh ... *drink Speed Tonics and dash back up the tunnel*
Saturninus: *snaps fingers* Bah! (crystal ball) "Say farewell to your family, WoD! We shall meet again -- soon!" *produces a Teleportation Amulet. The Amulet and the Daurosian Retaining Cylinders glow, then Clarely, Bob, Veti and Saturninus vanish.*
"Death awaits you!" - Maester Seymour, from Squaresoft's Final Fantasy X[i]
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Lurn the Apprentice Wizard, after finishing at a nearby magical outhouse, scrambled at Cooker's request for cards. I must acquire cards for the great one! The Guild has more, it must. The great one will be pleased! He teleported himself, attempting to reach the Wizard's Guild, instead finding himself deep in a emerging rat army.

The army was collecting at a Sewer Main near the Rogues Guild, and when they saw the wizard, the collecting ratmen army rushed him. Panicking, he acidentally set off a teleported himself again, to a random location.

Which turned out to be right on top of Enma. Enma was not severely injured, but did fall unconcious. Lurn stumbled off the unconcious Enma, and muttered, "Ooops, sorry," to the nearby Yama.

Teleporting again, he finally reached the Wizards Guild. Scrambling around, he found a deck of magic cards on a dusty desk. He teleported as close as he could to Cooker.

Lurn ended up twenty feet from Cooker, and knowing it would get worse if he tried again, ceased teleporting and simply ran. He stumbled as he ran, and the cards scattered and fell to the ground all around Lurn.

The cards had ratmen upon them, and an army appeared out of nowhere, each card spawning a ratmen.

They charged at Cooker's back.

Trampled by the ratmen army's charge, Lurn's last word before he fell unconscious was "Ooops!"
"It simply doesn't happen. Period.
Why is that? Question mark."
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